Very commonly when I am working with clients, and they have had some time of resistance, where they put their focus on what they didn’t want, instead of on what they did want, they often say that they fear they’ve messed everything up. They fear everything going wrong, or like they’ve ruined all their progress thus far.
And yet, nothing could be further from the truth.
Many different teachers, and I agree, say that there are no mistakes. Byron Katie says this in exactly these words: there are no mistakes. There are no shoulds, and no shouldn’ts.
Abraham says something very similar. They say, you can never get it wrong, and you never get it done.
And yet so often it feels like we do get it wrong. So how is it that there are no mistakes? How is it we can never get it wrong?
There Are No Shoulds
We are so used to using the words “should” or “shouldn’t”. We apply it on ourselves to guilt ourselves into doing, or not doing, something. And we apply it to others, to complain about something they are, or are not, doing.
For example, a common one with my clients with relationship goals might be something like, “He should call me back.” Or perhaps, “He should make more time for me.”
Or for my clients with career or financial goals, it is often something more like, “That company should have hired me.” Or, “I should have more money in the bank.”
Now here’s the problem: how do you know that’s true?
I invite you to take any “should” or “shouldn’t” in your life—anywhere where you feel you are making a mistake, or someone else has made a mistake in regards to you.
Let’s just take the first example, “He should call me back.”
How do you know? Or another way of putting it: says who?
Reality has no inherent meaning in and of itself (more on that in another post). So, a “should” or “shouldn’t” is just your own judgment about reality.
As Byron Katie would say, if he should have called you back, he would have. If you were supposed to have more money, you would. The fact that these things didn’t happen means that they shouldn’t have. It’s as simple as that.
When you can totally look through the judgment of “should” or “shouldn’t”, you see the truth of what is: what happened, is what should have happened, simply because it did happen. How can you possibly look at reality, and call it wrong or mistaken?
If you’ve been focusing on your fears for three days straight, and beat yourself up with the thought, “I shouldn’t have been so fearful,” again the answer is, says who? It happened, and therefore it’s what should have happened, because it’s what is.
You’re Always On the Path
To that someone might say, “But if I focus on resistance, I’m headed in the wrong direction, away from my desire.”
In the past I have said that if you are focusing on resistance, you are headed away from what you want.
And that is true, in a certain sense.
But in a broader sense, you can never be off the path. You can never head away from your desire.
Because even if you evaded your desire for your whole life, you would receive the essence of it the moment you died.
So, sooner or later, you will receive everything you have ever wanted. It’s just your decision when that is.
But still, you could see three days of focusing on fear, for example, as at the very least postponing your desire, couldn’t you? And if so, then this seems like a mistake.
But still, it is not a mistake, for several reasons:
First, it’s a learning experience. Every obstacle you come across teaches you some lesson, that allows you to deal with that situation more easily in the future.
Second, it clarifies your desire. Any time you focus on what you don’t want, you know even more clearly what you do want, and your manifestation is shaped by that clarification.
So there was no wasted time. If you spent some time worrying about things not working out, then you know all the more clearly how much you do want it to work out. Then when you drop the resistance and enter into the flow, the desire has so much more energy.
Not that I’d recommend this approach if you can avoid it, but if and when it does happen, you know that you’re still on track to receiving your desire.
Coming to Terms with a Seeming Mistake
Earlier this month I came down with something that really put me out of it for a good week or so. This is very unusual for me.
When I got back into the swing of things, I felt horrible at first. There were emails I hadn’t been able to get back to, the 5 day challenge became more like a 2 week challenge, and obviously I couldn’t post on my blog, either.
So at first I felt really guilty about that. it felt like a huge mistake.
But then I realized, hey wait a second, what if I needed that time? Prior to that I had been pretty busy non-stop, and if I know anything about the body, I know that if I don’t give it the time it needs voluntarily, it’ll take it forcibly.
And to be honest, despite feeling pretty terribly that week, it also felt good to take a break for a while. I discovered an online game I love to play, and that kept me from being bored.
It also showed me I need to change my blogging schedule a bit, to something that is less demanding and gives me more personal time. I was spending the majority of my free time either blogging, working on private content for those who signed up, or meeting with clients.
It showed me I need to back off a bit and allow more personal time for myself. I’m not exactly sure what that’ll look like yet, but I’m working on it. 🙂
So eventually I was able to see it as just an experience I had to have. Just like with anything in life, there were wanted aspects, and unwanted aspects, but I chose to focus on the wanted in that situation.
How About You?
What’s something in your own life you once saw as a mistake, or judged as wrong? Can you come to terms with it just being an experience you had to have, and even glean some positive aspects from it? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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Another point that many of us forget is when things do not go according to plan and we fear that we will be judged, often serendipitous things occur as a result of happenstance (or perhaps are even meant to be) to those who are affected, and we can just trust in that rather than beat ourselves up for not being perfect. Even when things appear to be disastrous there is always a silver lining, especially if we open ourselves to it. Rigid thinking often leads to pain and stops the flow of life. Wonderful article, thank you for this!
You’re so right @Marilyn. Things are always working out: this is what I’ve realized to be absolutely true. As you say, even when it appears things are going wrong, they really can never be other than perfect.
I actually woke up this morning with the exact same thought so this article was perfect timing. I woke up thinking, everything is ALWAYS perfect, and there is never anything to worry about, and I meditated on that for a bit and then got on with my day and went back to the habit of worrying, so your article was very much appreciated and very timely.
@Marilyn Haha, trust me, I have that habit of worrying, too. It’s a good thing to keep in mind, that all is perfect as-is.
As I have said, no resistance exists in the present moment. So it can help just to be here in this present moment and allow the resistance and worry to melt away, and allow the perfection of what-is to shine forth.
Beautiful article 🙂
I tend to get EXTREMELY caught up in the ‘if-only’ and ‘should have been’. This article is a gentle reminder to step out of that
Thanks so much @Shibani. I agree it’s extremely easy to get caught up in that. I’m glad my post helped. 🙂
Another point that many of us forget is when things do not go according to plan and we fear that we will be judged, often serendipitous things occur as a result of happenstance (or perhaps are even meant to be) to those who are affected, and we can just trust in that rather than beat ourselves up for not being perfect. Even when things appear to be disastrous there is always a silver lining, especially if we open ourselves to it. Rigid thinking often leads to pain and stops the flow of life. Wonderful article, thank you for this!
You’re so right @Marilyn. Things are always working out: this is what I’ve realized to be absolutely true. As you say, even when it appears things are going wrong, they really can never be other than perfect.
I actually woke up this morning with the exact same thought so this article was perfect timing. I woke up thinking, everything is ALWAYS perfect, and there is never anything to worry about, and I meditated on that for a bit and then got on with my day and went back to the habit of worrying, so your article was very much appreciated and very timely.
@Marilyn Haha, trust me, I have that habit of worrying, too. It’s a good thing to keep in mind, that all is perfect as-is.
As I have said, no resistance exists in the present moment. So it can help just to be here in this present moment and allow the resistance and worry to melt away, and allow the perfection of what-is to shine forth.
Beautiful article 🙂
I tend to get EXTREMELY caught up in the ‘if-only’ and ‘should have been’. This article is a gentle reminder to step out of that
Thanks so much @Shibani. I agree it’s extremely easy to get caught up in that. I’m glad my post helped. 🙂
Are you and Christine still working on your weight goal? You wrote about it weekly, and then stopped altogether, so I wonder what happened.
Are you and Christine still working on your weight goal? You wrote about it weekly, and then stopped altogether, so I wonder what happened.
Hi Brandon, just came upon your blog.
I have this Brandon-Olivares-question……What if ……it was ment to be a two week course? So…I got what I asked for…some more time to spend with you, Christine en all others! Not good you were not feeling good, next time take a break just before your body re-act…:) ?
Hi @Inge, aww, thank you for your comment. That is very true, I know. 🙂
Hi Brandon, just came upon your blog.
I have this Brandon-Olivares-question……What if ……it was ment to be a two week course? So…I got what I asked for…some more time to spend with you, Christine en all others! Not good you were not feeling good, next time take a break just before your body re-act…:) ?
Hi @Inge, aww, thank you for your comment. That is very true, I know. 🙂
If I took an action drove from fear and passive aggressiveness and I knew that it would sabotage my goal because I couldn’t sit still to just wait, will I still be able to get my manifestation? I like what you said about nothing will ruin your chances to getting your desire, I hope that it is true that it’s only taking me on a detour and not completely off