One of the biggest pitfalls I see in those who want to achieve a large next level goal, is that they obsess about it.
The law of attraction is such a picky process in a lot of ways. It requires an extremely light touch. If you start handling it too forcefully, it’ll act against you.
This is why many law of attraction teachers suggest that as long as you want your goal, you can’t have it.
But of course, that’s preposterous. If we couldn’t want our goals, what would be the point?
No, the secret is in making a very specific shift in your inner focus. This shift will help you to quickly manifest any goal.
There’s a Difference Between Wanting Your Goal and Wanting It
Okay, so the first thing you’re probably, and rightfully, thinking after reading the above is, “Wait, the title of this post tells me why I shouldn’t want my goal. And yet you say that it’s okay to want it? What the heck?”
That’s actually one of the biggest things many people get wrong, and I think why many teachers emphasize trying to not want your goal so much.
The word “want” here unfortunately has two different senses. One of those senses is perfectly fine and natural, but the other will absolutely strangle your manifestation.
It’s perfectly normal to want your goal, in the sense of having the desire to achieve it. We want plenty of things every day. You want to play a game on the computer. You want to eat lunch. You want to talk to a friend. This kind of “want” doesn’t stop you from having any of those things.
That’s why the idea that you can’t achieve something until you stop wanting it is so silly. Otherwise we’d go around in life not getting anything we wanted, and just always getting those things that were at best, neutral to us.
But want has a second meaning, too, which is more insidious:
To want means to be without something. It means to lack.
For example, see the second definition on Google for want:
2.
archaiclack or be short of something desirable or essential.
“you shall want for nothing while you are with me”
So in this sense, when you want your goal, you lack it. Those two words cannot be separated, because if you did not lack, then you would not want.
But how are they different?
Let me try to illustrate with an example:
Imagine you want a glass of water. You’re a bit thirsty, and water sounds like it’d hit the spot.
What’s the feeling when you think about that? To me it’s pretty light. There’s definitely a sense of desiring it, but it’s not overwhelming. I know that any time I choose, I can drink some water and that want will be satisfied.
So this sense of want is the first I gave above. It’s a simple desire, not some tangible lack.
Now instead imagine that you interviewed for your dream job, and you’re waiting for them to call you back with their decision. This job means everything to you. It could really change your life for the better.
As you wait for that call, what’s the feeling? Isn’t it more demanding—more pervasive of your inner state? Your attention is grabbed by it, and it’s hard to focus elsewhere. It’s a real sense of lack, because you want it, you don’t have it, and you’re not sure if you will get it.
This is more indicative of the second sense of want I discussed above. It’s heavy, it’s lacking, and it really doesn’t feel good.
And at least in my own life, I’ve noticed that I’ve never gotten the things I’ve wanted in this way, at least until I could reduce or eliminate that want.
So hopefully this explains why you can certainly have a desire for your goal. But, you cannot want it in that kind of heavy, lackful way.
Reduce the Need for Your Goal
The major difference I see between these two types of “want” is in the level of need you feel for it.
In the water example, presumably you’re not dehydrated, and you just feel a very light desire for that water. So, it’s easy enough to fulfill.
But in the example of the dream job, you feel a great need for it. You are attached to the outcome. In fact, every moment it is not in your reality, you are hyper-focused on its lack.
What do you think would happen if your want for the dream job was on the level of the want for a bit of water?
Do you think it would be so crushing? Do you think you would give it quite so much attention?
And, do you think you might actually get it quite a bit faster?
If you wanted your goal like you wanted the company of a friend, or like you wanted to watch your favorite show on TV, what would happen?
Can you feel how the latter is quite a bit softer? Wanting something we perceive as “small” is indeed still a want, but it’s not a want that demands our attention to how much we don’t have it right now.
The trick is in reducing that feeling of need—that feeling of lack. Remove all the neediness from the goal, and then it is simple.
Stop Wanting, and Start Having
So we’ve established that when I talk about the need to stop wanting your goal, I’m not telling you to throw away your desire and try not to want your goal. That would be silly.
What I really mean is to stop having this heavy form of want that causes you to focus on the lack of your goal.
So what is the solution to this? How do we stop wanting the goal in this way?
I recently thought again about the Sedona Method, and an exercise that they always recommended.
They would always say something to the effect of, “Let go of the wanting, and enter more into having.”
At the time, I didn’t quite understand it, because I was under the misconception above that to stop wanting the goal, you actually had to neutralize all desire for it.
But recently, it all clicked into place for me. That’s not the meaning at all. Instead, it is to let go of the clinging feeling of strong want, in order to enter the deeper, more secure feeling of having.
To have is the opposite of to want. If you have, you cannot want, and if you want, you cannot have.
But this is not some mind trick where we try to delude ourselves into actually believing we have the goal. Of course, we know very well that we do not.
What “having” is all about is just being willing to feel the feelings of having achieved that goal, before the goal is actually achieved.
It’s the comfortable knowing that the goal is right within reach. You don’t have to go out and grab that glass of water. It’s right there for the taking whenever you choose to have it, with minimal effort expended.
The Law of Attraction Requires a Light Touch
As I said in the intro to this post, the LOA requires a light touch. It’s not something you can barge your way through.
You can’t grab your goal out of the Universe’s hands. You have to be receptive to receiving it.
I’ve been reading this series lately called The Land.
And in one of the books, the main character tries to pick a plant from the ground. But, he doesn’t have the appropriate connection with the plant to be able to pick it, so it loses all of its beneficial properties.
But, his friend teaches him how to pick the plant. He has to feel the energy of the plant, and almost become one with it. Then, it becomes obvious how exactly he needs to pick it so it maintains its special traits.
It’s repeatedly said that once he learns the skill, the plant almost effortlessly comes out of the ground. He barely has to do anything at all.
It reminds me of what we’re discussing about the law of attraction. Many of us try to go after our goals with intensity, having this heavy feeling of want. We just want to make it happen now.
But, that forcefulness will destroy the goal. We cannot force the Universe to give us anything.
However, if we simply allow ourselves to have the goal within, opening a space in our own soul that is receptive to—but not demanding of—the goal, then it simply falls into our lap with far less effort.
I know that in my own life, when I realize that I am trying to force the goal, it simply won’t work. I have to back off, and invite the goal to enter my reality, by holding a space for it within myself. This means allowing myself to feel the having of that goal, far before I have it in external reality.
Lead From Within
What you focus on, expands. When you have that needy kind of want, you can’t help but focus on the lack of your goal, and so you get more of that lack.
Whatever you want, you must have within yourself, before you can have it in reality.
So, bring your goal to mind now. Are you more on the end of wanting, or on the end of having?
Remember, these are mutually exclusive. As long as you feel that want, you cannot have it.
So as you notice the feeling, and perhaps there is still a bit of want there, then allow yourself to relax into a deeper sense of having the goal.
As resistant thoughts arise, realize that they are just part of that wanting, and let them go, in order to enter into a deeper sense of having.
The truth is, you can have that goal whenever you want. But for now, you can only have it from within.
But, that has to come first. You cannot get it on the outside, unless you’ve given it to yourself on the inside first.
This is why I say lead from within. Decide what you want, then have it now, within yourself. That will be your cue to reality that you are ready to receive the goal in outer reality as well. But, the outer must follow the inner.
So if you don’t have it yet on the outside, ask yourself how much you’ve really allowed yourself to have it on the inside, and there will be your answer.
How About You?
Now it’s your turn. Do you find yourself wanting your goal, or having it? Are you using a light touch in your manifestation, or are you trying to force it? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
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Lovely post Brandon!
Thanks @S. 🙂 I appreciate that.
Lovely post Brandon!
Thanks @S. 🙂 I appreciate that.
So, as I understand it, it’s helpful to lean into the deep, spiritual feeling of, “Everything will work out for me; even if it isn’t here right now, I can be assured that this is a done deal.” I’ve become cognizant of how much stress is in my system due to the feeling of wanting but not having. Stress seems to be an indicator of trying too hard and not believing that this will come. Today’s my first day of noticing when my brain throws a tantrum because “it’s not here yet!! How do I make it be here?” And I just tell myself, “Yeah. It’s fine. It will be here.”
I’ve been focused on the problem, and solving the problem, and working out the details, and it is holding the not-having in place. And I’ve been stuck on how to make that paradigm shift to “having”. My major lingering question had been, what attitude am I supposed to take outside of visualization and the short period of time where I’m feeling the energy? But my understanding right now is that you can let got of the problem if you’re confident that things will work out and your goal will come (along with putting in the actual effort of moving the energy and changing your subconscious structures). I know I’m just going to have to bleed off that nervous energy that’s been swirling around and keep telling myself it’ll come and everything is okay.
… I’ve had too much caffeine today and I’m pretty out of it so I hope this makes sense.
Right over I wrote this, I made huge movement towards my goal for the first time in MONTHS. That’s all I’m going to share at the moment, but wow.
Hi @Chaucer,
Yes, you’re exactly right, and I’m happy for your realizations. And also congratulations on your progress with your goal. 😀
But yeah, it’s hard to stop focusing on the “how”. You’re right that we just have to focus for a few minutes on the thing we want, and the rest is just allowing ourselves to live life and release any resistance that comes up.
It sounds like you are making progress 😀
So, as I understand it, it’s helpful to lean into the deep, spiritual feeling of, “Everything will work out for me; even if it isn’t here right now, I can be assured that this is a done deal.” I’ve become cognizant of how much stress is in my system due to the feeling of wanting but not having. Stress seems to be an indicator of trying too hard and not believing that this will come. Today’s my first day of noticing when my brain throws a tantrum because “it’s not here yet!! How do I make it be here?” And I just tell myself, “Yeah. It’s fine. It will be here.”
I’ve been focused on the problem, and solving the problem, and working out the details, and it is holding the not-having in place. And I’ve been stuck on how to make that paradigm shift to “having”. My major lingering question had been, what attitude am I supposed to take outside of visualization and the short period of time where I’m feeling the energy? But my understanding right now is that you can let got of the problem if you’re confident that things will work out and your goal will come (along with putting in the actual effort of moving the energy and changing your subconscious structures). I know I’m just going to have to bleed off that nervous energy that’s been swirling around and keep telling myself it’ll come and everything is okay.
… I’ve had too much caffeine today and I’m pretty out of it so I hope this makes sense.
Right over I wrote this, I made huge movement towards my goal for the first time in MONTHS. That’s all I’m going to share at the moment, but wow.
Hi @Chaucer,
Yes, you’re exactly right, and I’m happy for your realizations. And also congratulations on your progress with your goal. 😀
But yeah, it’s hard to stop focusing on the “how”. You’re right that we just have to focus for a few minutes on the thing we want, and the rest is just allowing ourselves to live life and release any resistance that comes up.
It sounds like you are making progress 😀
I really resonated with what you are going through, Chaucer. This is a great blog. I felt a lot of that stress and wanting to control outcomes kind of click back to simply wanting that glass of water as Brandon points out. it really is a great relief to have it inside and let go of so much resistance from wanting from lack.
I really resonated with what you are going through, Chaucer. This is a great blog. I felt a lot of that stress and wanting to control outcomes kind of click back to simply wanting that glass of water as Brandon points out. it really is a great relief to have it inside and let go of so much resistance from wanting from lack.
I just have to write that I’m in love with your new posts. I am so glad that I quit college, because prior to that, I had goals of passing exams, which weren’t my heart-desire, and everything was out of place. Now I have been focusing just on a single goal for weeks, which is my health and vitality. I can’t express how much I’ve grown with this goal, and how much I have understood LOA on new levels. My feeling of having this goal has been purified so much, and I can definitely feel the “having” that you are talking about. I thought about some other potential goal just to feel the difference in energy, and yes I felt resistance with that other goal, but with my active health goal, right now I feel that deep, peaceful feeling of having. I’m so delighted to be able to grasp what you mean.
I do catch myself wondering if the doctors will miss out on an examination, or if they’ll forget to pay attention to something, but I quickly realize what I’m doing, and I let it go. I remind myself of the end goal, which is health and vitality. What happens on the way is not my responsibility. This makes it so much easier. 🙂
Also, congratulations Chaucer, on your progress with your goal! 😀
Thanks, @Z. 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Yeah once you get that feeling of having, it’s really, really obvious that you didn’t have it before. 🙂 It’s a great sign though, because now you’ll know what to look out for.
I just have to write that I’m in love with your new posts. I am so glad that I quit college, because prior to that, I had goals of passing exams, which weren’t my heart-desire, and everything was out of place. Now I have been focusing just on a single goal for weeks, which is my health and vitality. I can’t express how much I’ve grown with this goal, and how much I have understood LOA on new levels. My feeling of having this goal has been purified so much, and I can definitely feel the “having” that you are talking about. I thought about some other potential goal just to feel the difference in energy, and yes I felt resistance with that other goal, but with my active health goal, right now I feel that deep, peaceful feeling of having. I’m so delighted to be able to grasp what you mean.
I do catch myself wondering if the doctors will miss out on an examination, or if they’ll forget to pay attention to something, but I quickly realize what I’m doing, and I let it go. I remind myself of the end goal, which is health and vitality. What happens on the way is not my responsibility. This makes it so much easier. 🙂
Also, congratulations Chaucer, on your progress with your goal! 😀
Thanks, @Z. 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Yeah once you get that feeling of having, it’s really, really obvious that you didn’t have it before. 🙂 It’s a great sign though, because now you’ll know what to look out for.
Hi Ive been struggling with waiting for something I intensely want, and with how to stop that desperate wanting. And reading this article helped me A LOT. I think its such an important lesson for most people. Thank you!
Thanks a. Desperately wanting something is the baine of the LOA. It always fails, because desperation is nowhere close to the vibration you are aiming for.
So the best thing for you to do is to realize that what you really want is the emotion you believe this thing will give you. Then, give yourself that emotion now.
It’s still OK to want that thing, but not so intensely that you’ll suffer without it.
Hope that makes sense.