One of the most common complaints is that it seems so long for your manifestation to come to you. You might wonder, how can you speed up the manifestation process?
It’s definitely possible, though it takes some careful balancing. Try to speed it up beyond your level of readiness, and you may be completely overwhelmed with resistance. Move too slowly, and you get bored with the process.
But, if you find the perfect balance, then your manifestation can indeed come quickly. There’s no reason you should have to wait for years for it to come, nor even many months in most cases.
So how do you speed up the manifestation process? I’ll show you some simple techniques in this post, and also how to maintain a healthy balance.
Manifestations Are Energy
What is a manifestation?
It’s nothing more than energy. Or, more properly, it is the process by which energy crystalizes into physical reality.
The root of any manifestation is raw energy, just like I said in my post on how to cast a spell. All manifestations start with raw, unprogrammed energy. It is your will and focus that program it and give it direction.
How is this true? As I’ve written before, the paradigm of living as a deliberate creator requires that we put consciousness (energy) first, not matter. Therefore, the manifestation begins within consciousness as undifferentiated, directionless energy, and via your will, becomes more and more focused until it manifests in “reality”.
So, because your manifestation is energy, the way to speed up the manifestation process is to alter the momentum of that energy.
Energy has certain properties, which we’ll discuss in this post, and because your manifestation is just energy, it, too, will respond in the same ways.
Now, the only question is, what are the properties of energy that will allow us to speed it up at will?
3 Properties of Energy
Understanding the properties of energy will allow you to understand exactly how to speed up the manifestation process. To more easily grasp these properties, I’ll use the analogy of an airplane.
1. Directionality
The first property is directionality. This seems pretty simplistic, but it’s extremely important.
The directionality of energy is basically where it is flowing. Are you focusing on abundance, or on poverty? Are you focusing on what you want, or what you don’t want?
The more energy travels in that direction, the more crystalized that manifestation becomes.
Also, the more you flow energy in a particular direction, the easier it becomes to flow in that direction. You’ve practiced it, so the path to that focus point becomes clear and well-used.
You can think of it like how a new trail is formed. If you’re the first person to hike in this direction, then you’ll have to do a lot of work to clear out all the underbrush and other obstacles. But eventually, after the same path is used over and over again, it’ll become clear and easy to use.
This is pretty clear-cut in our airplane analogy. Where are you flying? If you’re flying to Miami but move in the direction of New York, you’re significantly off your path and will be delayed in arriving at your destination.
The more you orient yourself towards your actual destination, the faster you will arrive there. Again, obvious, but we don’t always apply this logic in the law of attraction, so it bears repeating. 🙂
The directionality of energy has little to do with speeding it up. The only way it helps is that if you are consistent with the direction of your energy flow, then you are going to clear that path to your goal more quickly. But, the other properties of energy have a much more direct influence on the speed of your manifestation.
2. Momentum
The second property is momentum. This is the speed of that energy.
It seems pretty obvious, but I’ll say it anyway: faster energy equates to faster manifestations.
However, this is only true to a certain extent. Go too fast, and you’ll actually likely slow down your manifestation, or halt it altogether.
In our airplane analogy, this is simply the speed at which you’re flying. Obviously, fly faster, and provided you have directionality taken care of as well, you’ll arrive more quickly than if you fly more slowly.
However, there is a practical limit. The faster you travel, the more drag is increased on the airplane. Drag is basically the force that pushes in the opposite direction of travel. In other words, it’s like resistance.
More speed equals more drag, and so more energy to overcome that drag.
Energetically, if you try to move too quickly, your resistance will make itself known. The faster the energy, the heavier the resistance.
On one hand, this is good news, because it gives you a chance to release that resistance. But on the other hand, if you overdo it, you’ll get crushed by resistance. There is a point where resistance is just too much and you can’t even start to release it. The only solution to that is to slow your energy momentum.
So yes, the momentum of energy is the most direct way to speed up the manifestation process, but there are other considerations as well, which I’ll discuss later.
3. Power
I debated for a while what to call this one. The only clear analogy in relation to the airplane metaphor I’ve been using is “lift”, as in climbing to a new altitude, but I couldn’t find a clear word to translate that back to energy.
However, power fits it perfectly. I’ll show you why.
When speaking of energy in science there’s a related concept called work. Work is technically different from power, but again, the term doesn’t translate so well, so power it is. 🙂
When an object is acting in accordance with the nature of physical laws, no work is necessary on that object. For instance, no effort is required to make water flow downhill. It’ll do that all by itself, and does so all the time. Likewise, no work is necessary to drop an object from a height.
However, work, or power, is required when you try to make something happen that doesn’t happen naturally. Water doesn’t naturally go uphill, but is forced to do so all the time in waterparks, for example. Airplanes aren’t naturally meant to leave the ground, but do so all the time thanks to the power of its engines.
There’s this common belief in the law of attraction that your goal is always downstream from where you are now. That is, if you let go completely, you will naturally be taken to your goal.
However, this principle of power shows the opposite. And, if you don’t take this principle into consideration, it’ll be incredibly difficult to speed up the manifestation process.
Naturally, your current level goals will be “downstream”. If you just get directionality and momentum right, then you’ll reach your current level goals without difficulty.
But, your next level goals require something else. They are not downstream. They are actually down an entirely different path, requiring an entirely different flow.
Returning to the airplane analogy, as I said, this is similar to lift. If an airplane is cruising at 35,000 ft, it’s expending a steady amount of energy. But, if it needs to climb to 40,000 ft, it’ll suddenly require greater energy (greater power), because it takes more work to climb that extra 5,000 ft.
Why? Because it has to work even harder against gravity.
As I mentioned before, a waterslide is a great example of this. On its own, water is only going to flow downhill. It takes work (power) to pump that water to the top of the waterslide, after which it will do what it naturally does: flow to the bottom of the slide. But, that can’t happen until the work is done to get it to the top, which goes against its natural flow.
How does this allow you to speed up the manifestation process? Simply, if your goal is “uphill”, due to your subconscious structures, it means that energy will not naturally flow there. No matter how much you focus on abundance, you won’t become a millionaire unless you deliberately flow energy along a path that it would not otherwise naturally flow down.
So the more power you apply up-front, the faster your manifestation will come. Of course this power should be proportionate to the level of the goal. The bigger the goal appears to you, the more power it’ll require initially.
Over time, the power required will become less, because your subconscious structures will adapt to match the goal. Once they do, then it is indeed a downhill flow directly to your goal, just as in the water will naturally do its thing once it is pumped to the top of the slide.
6 Forces that Manipulate Energy
Now that you know the 3 properties of energy and how they can speed up the manifestation process, it’s time to learn how to actually manipulate these properties.
How do you control the directionality of your energy? How about the momentum, or power? How do you balance all of these to most effectively and quickly achieve your goal?
These 6 forces are divided in 3 pairs, as follows:
- Positive vs. negative focus
- Emotion vs. resistance
- Will vs. inertia
I’ll discuss each pair individually, and later, will show how they all fit together.
1. Positive vs. Negative Focus
Focus gets a lot of attention in the law of attraction, and for good reason. It is commonly said, what you focus on, expands, and this is entirely true.
Focus affects the directionality of energy. It is pretty simple, but takes a lot of awareness to manage well.
You can think of it kind of like a water hose. If you’re trying to wash your car, but have the hose pointed in an entirely different direction, you’re not going to do a great job at it. The water will spray wherever you point the hose. It is as simple as that. Point the hose at the car, and the water sprays at the car.
That’s how your focus is. It’s not going to argue with you. Wherever you focus, the Universe, as well as your subconscious mind, trusts that this is what you want to create, and flows energy in that direction.
Think of it as your universal paintbrush. The artist dips his paintbrush in the color of his choice, and focuses exactly where on the canvas that paint should go.
Your focus is the tool by which you create your reality. Focus on abundance, and you get abundance. Focus on poverty, and you get poverty. Focus on love, and you get love. Focus on loneliness… well, you get the point.
Whatever you focus on, you paint a bit more of that onto your reality canvas.
You want a positive focus on your goal. However, due to subconscious programming, it is often easy to get caught up in negative focus.
So how do each of these affect the directionality of energy?
As mentioned, negative focus will increase the unwanted aspects of that focus into your life. Positive focus will, of course, increase the positive aspects.
You might think it’s a simple matter to always focus on the positive. However, depending on the power required to reach the goal, the subconscious mind might frequently default to a negative focus. This is the subconscious mind’s attempt to remain in homeostasis. I’ll discuss more about this in the section on will vs. inertia.
2. Emotion vs. Resistance
Emotion and resistance act on the second property of energy: momentum. As I said earlier in this post, momentum is the speed at which your energy is flowing toward your goal. It is emotion and resistance which respectively speed up or slow down this momentum.
These two have a complex relationship. It might seem obvious that the more emotion you have, and the less resistance, the better. We all know you need to feel good in order to attract your desire, right? Overall this is true, but there is more involved than this.
For instance, you might think that if you really want your goal soon, you’ll just ramp up your emotion and it’ll come in no time, assuming you have positive focus on your goal as well.
But first of all, this is missing out on the element of power, which will be discussed below.
Secondly, however, you miss an important component of the relationship of emotion and resistance.
I’m going to return to my airplane analogy for this, because it is so apt. In aerodynamics, there are two forces which act on the direct flight path of the plane, namely thrust and drag.
Thrust is the force generated by the engines that pushes the plane forward. Drag, on the other hand, is the force generated by air resistance, which pushes the plane backwards.
As thrust increases and the plane speeds up, so drag increases, too. As the plane slows, drag decreases. They are inextricably linked.
If thrust is greater than drag, the plane speeds up. If drag is greater than thrust, it slows down. If they are equal, it remains at a constant speed.
Translating this to the law of attraction, let’s imagine you really want to manifest your goal soon. Right now perhaps you are making progress, but it is slow.
Emotion is moving you forward, specifically through daily visualization or affirmation of your goal. But, resistance is also holding you back.
But, what happens in this hypothetical case if you ramp up the emotion? Well, as anyone knows who has tried this, the resistance increases to match the new level of emotion.
So, while you might be moving faster overall, it also hurts more, because the resistance (drag) is pulling you back just as much as your emotions are pulling you forward.
At a certain point, this pressure becomes intolerable, and it becomes difficult if not impossible to keep positive focus on your goal, plus the necessary power to generate the needed subconscious structures.
So what is the solution? Just as with airplanes, you need to find the acceptable level of resistance you can deal with, and slowly increase your emotions until you are at that point.
Then, you reduce your resistance by working through it using any of the techniques I’ve given on this blog and in my classes, or any other that works for you.
As you reduce your resistance, the same level of emotion will accomplish more, because there is less resistance holding you back.
Imagine for a moment a classic tug-of-war game. You pull with all your strength on one end of a rope, while someone else does the same on the other. Your end is emotion, and the other is resistance.
If they suddenly let go, it’s going to take a whole lot less effort to pull your end, because there is no longer anything pulling it away from you. Resistance has lessened.
There is one final issue to address with emotion vs. resistance. The closer you come to your goal, the less momentum you require. As I discussed in Saturday’s podcast on the principle of homeostasis, overdoing the emotion will actually result in sabotaging your manifestations. At a certain point, boosting your momentum is no longer needed.
So the best way to use emotion vs. resistance to speed up the manifestation process is to slowly ramp up emotion, deal with the resistance that arises, and repeat. As your will (discussed in the next section) generates the power to bring you toward your goal, allow the emotion to become less and less important, and for the goal to feel more and more normal. When it feels normal, there is little to no emotion, but also little to no resistance.
It could be said, then, that the importance of emotion is twofold:
- To tell the subconscious mind that this focus is important and it should pay attention.
- To trigger the resistance that is blocking you from your goal.
Once both of these have been accomplished, there is little need for it, and it doesn’t have to be artificially hyped up.
3. Will vs. Inertia
The final pair of forces is the one most often ignored. We discussed this at length in Saturday’s podcast, when we discussed the principle of homeostasis.
To summarize, your subconscious mind likes where it is. After all, that’s why it’s there. What it does, works.
What it defines as success, though, you may not. Your subconscious mind only cares that you survive. Because you’re alive so far, it believes that it has succeeded, and so will keep the current beliefs and programs it holds.
As I mentioned in the section on power, the common belief is that all your goals and desires are downstream. However, the subconscious mind is kind of like a computer. It’ll keep doing what it’s programmed to do, and will keep getting the same results, too.
If it is programmed to make $50,000 a year, that’s what it’ll do, no matter how good you feel or how much you focus on abundance. This place feels comfortable, familiar, and safe, and therefore it is highly preferable to your desires, which feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and unsafe.
This reluctance to change, I am calling inertia. Your subconscious mind would rather stay where it is, getting the results it has always gotten.
So what happens if what you want is not downstream, because your subconscious structures simply don’t support your goal? Well, you go against the programming of your subconscious mind, generating new subconscious structures, until your goal becomes downstream. That is, you use the property of power to flow against what is comfortable, until the natural flow will take you towards your goal.
The natural path of an arrow notched on a bow is to simply sit there. That’s not what you want, so you pull back the bowstring, until the arrow has enough energy behind it, so that the new flow is to shoot at your target.
As long as you just let go, feel good, and focus positively, the arrow of your creative potential is just sitting idle. It’s not until you apply the will, pulling back on the bowstring, that you have enough power to shoot forward toward the target of your goal.
This applies, of course, for next level goals. But, most goals that you would be trying to manifest are next level goals, or else you wouldn’t have to try. 🙂
So as I alluded to above, the force that generates power is will. It is will that overcomes the inertia to remain in homeostasis. It is will that generates the creative tension to force your subconscious mind to change itself to support your new goals. It is will that pulls that bowstring tight to make what you want, possible.
No one in history who wanted something big in life, has just let go and allowed it to happen. They’ve willed it; they’ve created tension; they’ve done whatever it took to get there.
So it is the force of will that generates the power to create a new comfort zone, which will require your subconscious mind to catch up in order to return to homeostasis once again.
It takes will because the subconscious mind will fight back. You must remain positively focused on the desire, feel the emotion of having it, and persistently and deliberately choose to have that goal. This is the path to success.
How to Use These Principles to Speed Up the Manifestation Process
Now you know the properties of energy, and the forces which manipulate those properties. But, how do you use this new knowledge to speed up the manifestation process? It’s important to keep all of these forces balanced, in order to get the best result.
Positive focus is always important, to make the energy flow in the right direction, towards your manifestation. The less you contradict that with negative focus, the faster your manifestation will come.
However, there’s no need to focus on it all day long. In fact, this can be detrimental.
You have to understand that your manifestation has an independent existence from your consciousness. I know this might appear to be a strange idea, but you can imagine your manifestation to be almost like a thought form. Actually, it is quite literally a thought form, which you manifest into reality.
It seems odd, because all of this is happening in your head, right? But, you are moving quite real energies, building on this manifestation every time you focus on it.
So, here’s the thing: if you try to focus on it all the time, you will keep that energy constrained. It’s only when you let it go that the energy can go out and start building the thought form of your manifestation.
Indeed, every time you focus on it, you flow a bit more energy towards that thought form. But, there has to be a certain amount of time between your focusing sessions, in order to give the thought form time to stabilize.
You want to find the perfect balance that will keep building on it, while still allowing it to stabilize between sessions. I recommend no more than twice per day. Some people say three times per day, but I wouldn’t do anymore than that.
You might wonder what happens when you focus negatively? In essence, you are giving energy to a negative thought form, which counterbalances the positive one. The more you focus on the negative thought form, the more it grows, and the stronger it gets. The more you ignore it and focus on the positive, the weaker it gets, and the stronger the positive thought form becomes.
So, the less you focus negatively, the stronger your positive thought form can become, and thus the faster your manifestation will come.
Now, to momentum. As mentioned, in general the faster the better. But, you want to keep that balance between emotion and resistance. Never underestimate the effect that resistance can have on you. It can be truly paralyzing sometimes.
So as I suggested above, the best thing to do is to slowly ramp up your emotions, deal with the fallout, and do it all over again.
But as you approach your goal, this won’t be as necessary. You’ll feel the energy naturally slowing down, and this is okay. Go with the flow of the energy. You’ll feel as your goal gradually becomes more normal, and that is perfectly natural.
It is in the creation stage that the emotions are most needed. In the attraction stage, you are more or less just coasting on your existing momentum, and little to no effort is required.
So, you want to keep careful attention on how you are feeling emotionally. If the resistance starts to become too much, back off a bit and deal with that first.
But, the resistance won’t always pop up right away. You might have a really great session where you feel high emotion and little to no resistance. But, the next day, after your subconscious mind absorbs what you gave it, the resistance may come unexpectedly. This is very common, from what I’ve seen with my clients.
So still be wary at first, and allow a day or two for the resistance to arise.
Finally, to power. From the beginning, you want to firmly and deliberately choose your goal. This is the only way to generate the requisite creative tension, which is needed to generate new subconscious structures.
As before, this is necessary especially in the creation stage. This is where you are pulling back the bowstring, or pumping that water up to the top of the waterslide. In other words, this is where you are moving against the natural flow of your subconscious mind, and therefore will is needed.
The stronger your will and the more you persist, the more power is generated, and so the more quickly you can get up to that next level. It is also required that you deal with the kickback from resistance, by only focusing on the positive, and using emotions as needed.
So, to bring this all together, this is my suggestion:
- Use your will to deliberately choose your goal, thereby generating the power to move to the next level.
- Intentionally focus once or twice per day on your goal, using just enough emotion to move your manifestation forward, without generating too much resistance at once.
- Throughout the day, keep yourself from focusing on the negative. If it happens, immediately release the resistance and return to the positive.
- Once a week or so, feel free to generate a lot of emotion, through the principles discussed in the post on casting a spell.
How About You?
Now it’s your turn. How can you apply these principles to speed up the manifestation process in your own life? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
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Beautifully clear. Thank you for outlining the theory and the technique here together. Wonderful!
Here is a question: Does it ever happen that you feel the switch to more “normal” emotions before any precursors or physical evidence of your manifestation occurs? I’m wondering if the impulse to view the manifestation as a normal part of my life is happening too soon, given that I haven’t seen anything at all happen in the physical world yet. Wouldn’t I start seeing some signs or evidence before the normal feelings begin feeling appropriate?
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for your comment.
No, I think that is perfectly… well, normal. 🙂 😛
In my experience you start to feel the normalcy of it prior to concrete signs actually manifesting. If you are worried about it, I’d look at your own resistance, or see if it is natural to speed up the momentum, which will uncover any remaining resistance. But, don’t fight the flow of the energy.
The only thing I’d ask is if you’ve applied will to increase the power of the energy. Without will, it can feel ordinary without really having much momentum behind it.
But I think that if you’ve done that, then you’re perfectly fine.
Beautifully clear. Thank you for outlining the theory and the technique here together. Wonderful!
Here is a question: Does it ever happen that you feel the switch to more “normal” emotions before any precursors or physical evidence of your manifestation occurs? I’m wondering if the impulse to view the manifestation as a normal part of my life is happening too soon, given that I haven’t seen anything at all happen in the physical world yet. Wouldn’t I start seeing some signs or evidence before the normal feelings begin feeling appropriate?
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for your comment.
No, I think that is perfectly… well, normal. 🙂 😛
In my experience you start to feel the normalcy of it prior to concrete signs actually manifesting. If you are worried about it, I’d look at your own resistance, or see if it is natural to speed up the momentum, which will uncover any remaining resistance. But, don’t fight the flow of the energy.
The only thing I’d ask is if you’ve applied will to increase the power of the energy. Without will, it can feel ordinary without really having much momentum behind it.
But I think that if you’ve done that, then you’re perfectly fine.
When you say intentional focus twice a day what or how do you suggest that you focus ? Through meditation or what ?
Hi @Carrie,
Thanks for your comment.
Great question. I recommend this blog post for more on that: Your Thoughts Create Your Reality: A Technique to Create Anything
In brief, it is by deliberately attuning yourself to the vibration of your goal. You can do that through visualization, affirmations, journaling, etc.
I hope this helps.
Thank you … For the last few months I’ve been trying to manifest a reconciliation of a relationship that went bad . I have been focused , done a lot of meditations and even done some manifestation experiments. None of which has helped or manifested my desire . I am feeling burnt out and depressed as to why it’s not happening but I think I’m overdoing it , if there is such a thing
Hi @Carrie,
Yes I agree you are likely overdoing it. It is an easy trap to fall into.
I’d do this: don’t focus on your desire more than twice a day. Don’t pretend to feel any better than you do (this seems to be a common recommendation in the LOA community). During those two times per day, attune yourself as best you can to your desire. Feel the feeling of that reconciliation, of the outcome being how you want it to be. The rest of the time, just move on. If emotions come up, allow them. Don’t condemn them or try to get rid of them.
Try that and see if it shifts your perspective.
Thank you … Btw I asked the question twice . Sorry
No problem. 🙂
Should I meditate and visualize during these times or just visualize ? And for how long at any given time?
Hi @Carrie,
I’m not sure the difference you draw between meditation and visualization. Just take a few minutes of relative silence, and visualize and feel the feeling of your desire.
No more than 5 or 10 minutes should be necessary at a time.
Thank you …I’ve been doing a lot of guided meditations, even manifestation challenges , reading tons of books and several you tube videos as I try to manifest a reconciliation of a friendship with someone and for months now it’s not working and in fact had gotten worse . Could it be that I’m over obsessed with the situation and that’s why it isn’t happening for me ? What is your suggestion?
When you say intentional focus twice a day what or how do you suggest that you focus ? Through meditation or what ?
Hi @Carrie,
Thanks for your comment.
Great question. I recommend this blog post for more on that: Your Thoughts Create Your Reality: A Technique to Create Anything
In brief, it is by deliberately attuning yourself to the vibration of your goal. You can do that through visualization, affirmations, journaling, etc.
I hope this helps.
Thank you … For the last few months I’ve been trying to manifest a reconciliation of a relationship that went bad . I have been focused , done a lot of meditations and even done some manifestation experiments. None of which has helped or manifested my desire . I am feeling burnt out and depressed as to why it’s not happening but I think I’m overdoing it , if there is such a thing
Hi @Carrie,
Yes I agree you are likely overdoing it. It is an easy trap to fall into.
I’d do this: don’t focus on your desire more than twice a day. Don’t pretend to feel any better than you do (this seems to be a common recommendation in the LOA community). During those two times per day, attune yourself as best you can to your desire. Feel the feeling of that reconciliation, of the outcome being how you want it to be. The rest of the time, just move on. If emotions come up, allow them. Don’t condemn them or try to get rid of them.
Try that and see if it shifts your perspective.
Thank you … Btw I asked the question twice . Sorry
No problem. 🙂
Should I meditate and visualize during these times or just visualize ? And for how long at any given time?
Hi @Carrie,
I’m not sure the difference you draw between meditation and visualization. Just take a few minutes of relative silence, and visualize and feel the feeling of your desire.
No more than 5 or 10 minutes should be necessary at a time.
Thank you …I’ve been doing a lot of guided meditations, even manifestation challenges , reading tons of books and several you tube videos as I try to manifest a reconciliation of a friendship with someone and for months now it’s not working and in fact had gotten worse . Could it be that I’m over obsessed with the situation and that’s why it isn’t happening for me ? What is your suggestion?
Lately I’ve been having trouble with understanding something. If you write a journal about having your goal, that is, you’re writing a fictional reality, then there is no will in there. There is no choosing. You are simply describing your (fictional) reality, stating what is present. I don’t see how will and choosing fit in there. That’s like me writing that I’m a college student. It’s just a fact, there is no will and choosing in there, but simply describing what is. Will and choosing seem to be applicable only if you visualize having your goal, and then affirming, “I choose to have this”, but if you are writing a journal, I don’t see will and choosing in there. I’ve noticed that this lack of understanding has weakened my belief in this process, so I need to resolve it a.s.a.p.
Hi Z,
Journaling, just like other methods, is just a technique for tuning in to the vibration. Choosing is a completely different step.
Choosing isn’t involved for any of these techniques. You could say you could visualize being a college student, which you already are. It’s the same thing. Journaling just helps you to ground that energy more and make it more realistic.
For any technique, you have to choose, first. See this week’s support call and the discussion on the difference between daydreaming and actually choosing your goal.
I was worried that using my will to choose it after journaling would mess the whole thing up. However this is basically the same as using a spell, right? It’s just of a lesser intensity. Thank you for clearing this up! 🙂
Yes exactly. It really is a form of ritual. NO matter what your technique, you should always be using will to choose your goal and generate that power. Unless its’ a current level goal, of course.
Lately I’ve been having trouble with understanding something. If you write a journal about having your goal, that is, you’re writing a fictional reality, then there is no will in there. There is no choosing. You are simply describing your (fictional) reality, stating what is present. I don’t see how will and choosing fit in there. That’s like me writing that I’m a college student. It’s just a fact, there is no will and choosing in there, but simply describing what is. Will and choosing seem to be applicable only if you visualize having your goal, and then affirming, “I choose to have this”, but if you are writing a journal, I don’t see will and choosing in there. I’ve noticed that this lack of understanding has weakened my belief in this process, so I need to resolve it a.s.a.p.
Hi Z,
Journaling, just like other methods, is just a technique for tuning in to the vibration. Choosing is a completely different step.
Choosing isn’t involved for any of these techniques. You could say you could visualize being a college student, which you already are. It’s the same thing. Journaling just helps you to ground that energy more and make it more realistic.
For any technique, you have to choose, first. See this week’s support call and the discussion on the difference between daydreaming and actually choosing your goal.
I was worried that using my will to choose it after journaling would mess the whole thing up. However this is basically the same as using a spell, right? It’s just of a lesser intensity. Thank you for clearing this up! 🙂
Yes exactly. It really is a form of ritual. NO matter what your technique, you should always be using will to choose your goal and generate that power. Unless its’ a current level goal, of course.
B, I was taken off your mailing list a week or two ago. Maybe check if this has happened to others too.
or maybe you got sick of my rants…
Hi CJ,
No, I have not removed you. You are still listed on the mailing list, and emails have been sent out to you.
Did you change email addresses? You’ve been using a fake email address on the blog for a while, but not sure if your real one has changed or not.
If not, maybe check your spam folder. Please let me know either way as I’d like to figure it out.
Same email. I have to wait for your next blog post to see. Will check my spam then and let you know if that’s what happened.
Okay, next one will come out Saturday.
Hi Brandon,
Great post. 🙂 I really liked this quote, as it clarifies so much:
“Well, you go against the programming of your subconscious mind, generating new subconscious structures, until your goal becomes downstream. That is, you use the property of power to flow against what is comfortable, until the natural flow will take you towards your goal.”
This makes a lot of sense, because a goal feels more downstream the more time you spend with it. As you said, if you keep choosing your goal in face of resistance, the subconscious will eventually shift to accommodate it via the path of least resistance. I’ve been having quite a few breakthrough realizations around music that are really changing me (for the better!) I was led to just the right material that helped generate these realizations. As I’ve allowed the energy to flow, I’ve been receiving a lot more inspiration. Actually, it’s been there all along, but all this time I’ve dismissing it as not good enough. More songs are flowing, my voice feels much freer and more authentic. I think I’ve cleared some resistance that was blocking the flow before. As for now I’m just working towards completing my current music goal and am excited about the next and what’s to come.
I definitely agree that your goals change you. They will propel growth and change you for the better.
Hi R,
Thanks so much. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
Yes, the goal definitely becomes easier over time. I think the rollercoaster analogy is perfect: from the start, it doesn’t have enough energy to complete the track. But bring it to the top of that first steep hill, and it gains all the momentum it needs.
I’m so happy about your music! That’s really awesome. 😀 Good luck with it.
Thank you Brandon! I am also noticing more and more, through music particularly, the truth in balancing security and stability with playfulness and spontaneity. I’m finding the right balance for myself and the sense of wholeness it brings. Another thing I’ve been experiencing is allowing emotion and energy levels to come and go without trying to dismiss or grip onto them.
I definitely feel that many internal shifts have occurred since I began setting next level goals! They are grounding and inspiring at the same time. I’m still figuring all of this out, so I’m not perfect with it, but I do feel more confident about my goals and achieving them.
Hi R,
I totally agree with that. Especially with allowing energy to come and go. Gripping on to anything will just make it stronger. Just letting it flow will just allow it to pass through without becoming part of your subconscious. 🙂
B, I was taken off your mailing list a week or two ago. Maybe check if this has happened to others too.
or maybe you got sick of my rants…
Hi CJ,
No, I have not removed you. You are still listed on the mailing list, and emails have been sent out to you.
Did you change email addresses? You’ve been using a fake email address on the blog for a while, but not sure if your real one has changed or not.
If not, maybe check your spam folder. Please let me know either way as I’d like to figure it out.
Same email. I have to wait for your next blog post to see. Will check my spam then and let you know if that’s what happened.
Okay, next one will come out Saturday.
Hi Brandon,
Great post. 🙂 I really liked this quote, as it clarifies so much:
“Well, you go against the programming of your subconscious mind, generating new subconscious structures, until your goal becomes downstream. That is, you use the property of power to flow against what is comfortable, until the natural flow will take you towards your goal.”
This makes a lot of sense, because a goal feels more downstream the more time you spend with it. As you said, if you keep choosing your goal in face of resistance, the subconscious will eventually shift to accommodate it via the path of least resistance. I’ve been having quite a few breakthrough realizations around music that are really changing me (for the better!) I was led to just the right material that helped generate these realizations. As I’ve allowed the energy to flow, I’ve been receiving a lot more inspiration. Actually, it’s been there all along, but all this time I’ve dismissing it as not good enough. More songs are flowing, my voice feels much freer and more authentic. I think I’ve cleared some resistance that was blocking the flow before. As for now I’m just working towards completing my current music goal and am excited about the next and what’s to come.
I definitely agree that your goals change you. They will propel growth and change you for the better.
Hi R,
Thanks so much. I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
Yes, the goal definitely becomes easier over time. I think the rollercoaster analogy is perfect: from the start, it doesn’t have enough energy to complete the track. But bring it to the top of that first steep hill, and it gains all the momentum it needs.
I’m so happy about your music! That’s really awesome. 😀 Good luck with it.
Thank you Brandon! I am also noticing more and more, through music particularly, the truth in balancing security and stability with playfulness and spontaneity. I’m finding the right balance for myself and the sense of wholeness it brings. Another thing I’ve been experiencing is allowing emotion and energy levels to come and go without trying to dismiss or grip onto them.
I definitely feel that many internal shifts have occurred since I began setting next level goals! They are grounding and inspiring at the same time. I’m still figuring all of this out, so I’m not perfect with it, but I do feel more confident about my goals and achieving them.
Hi R,
I totally agree with that. Especially with allowing energy to come and go. Gripping on to anything will just make it stronger. Just letting it flow will just allow it to pass through without becoming part of your subconscious. 🙂
By the way, this was a helpful post. I’m just wondering how come you didn’t mention that increasing the zero state time would help speed it up too. If we meditate more, that should speed everything up. If we relax our bodies, like get a massage, or lie in a bathtub, or on a beach, that should relax us both physically and psychologically, so the energy would need to speed up, right?
Hi Z,
I didn’t mention it because it isn’t true. It is important, yes, but doing that excessively will actually slow down the energy, not speed it up.
Wait, I don’t get it… Let’s say someone chooses his goal twice a day, like you encourage, and also follows the rest of the 3 points you listed at the end of the blog post. And that person also meditates for the majority of the rest of the time while awake. Which would mean, almost the whole day. Wouldn’t that bring results the fastest?
No, not at all.
Meditation does not speed up energy. If you’re working through resistance, then the zero state helps you to release that more quickly. In that way, then yes it has an effect on the momentum of energy.
But, your regular focus is exactly what speeds up the manifestation, and your choosing of the goal.
I have never recommended meditating all day, and I remember discouraging you a few times from such a path when you’ve mentioned it in the past. There’s no reason to, and it really won’t help that much. Your success in manifesting is not a function of how long you meditate.
I’ll say that again: Your success at manifesting is not a function of how long you meditate.
What it is a function of is how persistently you choose that goal, and how easily you release the resistance when it arises. The zero state helps with the latter, but doing it all day long is just unnecessary.
Okay, that helped a lot. Thank you!
I know that I still have a lot of work to do with my focus, as well as my will to choose what I want. I’ve noticed that when I want to act in a more free way with people, like close friends would, there is hesitation (resistance). It feels much easier to just say nothing, or to walk away from people, because of course, that’s what my subconscious is used to. Choosing my goal anyway in such situations feels uncomfortable, just like you have mentioned many times that it should feel like that.
So the biggest thing I need is to practice and practice, right? It’s hard to break the old habits, but I think I am slowly managing to, anyway. 🙂
Yep exactly. Just practice. 🙂 Visualization and journaling helps with that, when you can really put yourself in that situation. It brings up that discomfort in a safe environment, so you can deal with it.
By the way, this was a helpful post. I’m just wondering how come you didn’t mention that increasing the zero state time would help speed it up too. If we meditate more, that should speed everything up. If we relax our bodies, like get a massage, or lie in a bathtub, or on a beach, that should relax us both physically and psychologically, so the energy would need to speed up, right?
Hi Z,
I didn’t mention it because it isn’t true. It is important, yes, but doing that excessively will actually slow down the energy, not speed it up.
Wait, I don’t get it… Let’s say someone chooses his goal twice a day, like you encourage, and also follows the rest of the 3 points you listed at the end of the blog post. And that person also meditates for the majority of the rest of the time while awake. Which would mean, almost the whole day. Wouldn’t that bring results the fastest?
No, not at all.
Meditation does not speed up energy. If you’re working through resistance, then the zero state helps you to release that more quickly. In that way, then yes it has an effect on the momentum of energy.
But, your regular focus is exactly what speeds up the manifestation, and your choosing of the goal.
I have never recommended meditating all day, and I remember discouraging you a few times from such a path when you’ve mentioned it in the past. There’s no reason to, and it really won’t help that much. Your success in manifesting is not a function of how long you meditate.
I’ll say that again: Your success at manifesting is not a function of how long you meditate.
What it is a function of is how persistently you choose that goal, and how easily you release the resistance when it arises. The zero state helps with the latter, but doing it all day long is just unnecessary.
Okay, that helped a lot. Thank you!
I know that I still have a lot of work to do with my focus, as well as my will to choose what I want. I’ve noticed that when I want to act in a more free way with people, like close friends would, there is hesitation (resistance). It feels much easier to just say nothing, or to walk away from people, because of course, that’s what my subconscious is used to. Choosing my goal anyway in such situations feels uncomfortable, just like you have mentioned many times that it should feel like that.
So the biggest thing I need is to practice and practice, right? It’s hard to break the old habits, but I think I am slowly managing to, anyway. 🙂
Yep exactly. Just practice. 🙂 Visualization and journaling helps with that, when you can really put yourself in that situation. It brings up that discomfort in a safe environment, so you can deal with it.
By the way, what to do in this scenario: I have many many things I want (things, experiences, etc.), and of course I can’t focus on all of it at once (or can I?). Everyday I choose the few goals I currently have, and generally I do what I can to pay attention to my focus, and to appreciate what I have. However there are also so many other things I also want to have, a lot of different experiences, too, adventure, fun, romance, etc. I know that it might be too much for my subconscious if everything would suddenly shift in a short period of time. Or actually, maybe it would be hard to do that in the first place anyway. What to do in this situation? I want to live the life. I want to “taste” it fully. I know that I’ve walked the path that I needed to, however I have a whole bandwagon of genuine desires piled up, and the manifesting flow for me still hasn’t begun to truly open up.
I guess that the only real solution to this would be to shift a massive amount of energy in a short period of time, which would mean an Ayahuasca ceremony or something similar, and then careful recovery after that. It feels so discouraging to want so much and enjoy life, but still being so far away from there. I don’t know what to do regarding this… You know, I focus on manifesting these few things, but hey look I also wanna travel, I wanna get in a relationship, I wanna buy certain stuff, I wanna try a lot of world cuisine, I wanna this, I wanna that, etc. It’s like trying to pull a jacket through a keyhole…
Hi Z,
I think you already know my answer, because you’ve asked me this exact question before. 🙂 And, my answer is no different than it usually is.
What I would do is to write down all of your goals, big and small. If you want, maybe label them with current level goal, next level goal, or ultimate level goal.
Then, at any given time, choose one or two big goals, and maybe one small goal. As they are manifested, check them off the list. Add more any time you think of them.
@Christine and I were just discussing a bunch of our own personal goals last night. But I am pursuing two significant goals right now, no more than that. I suppose I’m working on The Art of Reality Creation 2.0, so that’s sort of a third goal, but it’s much smaller than the others.
Hope that makes sense.
Honestly, I didn’t remember that I had asked you this before. I really need to improve my brain’s memory, so that I don’t forget stuff anymore. 🙂
Anyway, thank you for writing the reply despite that! Now that I think about it, it does seem like crossing my goals off a list would be satisfying.
No problem at all. 🙂 Yes I think that’d be helpful. I don’t do it exactly that way, though I might start. What I do is start a new entry in my magical journal for each goal, and mark it off once it is manifested, with the date of the manifestation.
By the way, what to do in this scenario: I have many many things I want (things, experiences, etc.), and of course I can’t focus on all of it at once (or can I?). Everyday I choose the few goals I currently have, and generally I do what I can to pay attention to my focus, and to appreciate what I have. However there are also so many other things I also want to have, a lot of different experiences, too, adventure, fun, romance, etc. I know that it might be too much for my subconscious if everything would suddenly shift in a short period of time. Or actually, maybe it would be hard to do that in the first place anyway. What to do in this situation? I want to live the life. I want to “taste” it fully. I know that I’ve walked the path that I needed to, however I have a whole bandwagon of genuine desires piled up, and the manifesting flow for me still hasn’t begun to truly open up.
I guess that the only real solution to this would be to shift a massive amount of energy in a short period of time, which would mean an Ayahuasca ceremony or something similar, and then careful recovery after that. It feels so discouraging to want so much and enjoy life, but still being so far away from there. I don’t know what to do regarding this… You know, I focus on manifesting these few things, but hey look I also wanna travel, I wanna get in a relationship, I wanna buy certain stuff, I wanna try a lot of world cuisine, I wanna this, I wanna that, etc. It’s like trying to pull a jacket through a keyhole…
Hi Z,
I think you already know my answer, because you’ve asked me this exact question before. 🙂 And, my answer is no different than it usually is.
What I would do is to write down all of your goals, big and small. If you want, maybe label them with current level goal, next level goal, or ultimate level goal.
Then, at any given time, choose one or two big goals, and maybe one small goal. As they are manifested, check them off the list. Add more any time you think of them.
@Christine and I were just discussing a bunch of our own personal goals last night. But I am pursuing two significant goals right now, no more than that. I suppose I’m working on The Art of Reality Creation 2.0, so that’s sort of a third goal, but it’s much smaller than the others.
Hope that makes sense.
Honestly, I didn’t remember that I had asked you this before. I really need to improve my brain’s memory, so that I don’t forget stuff anymore. 🙂
Anyway, thank you for writing the reply despite that! Now that I think about it, it does seem like crossing my goals off a list would be satisfying.
No problem at all. 🙂 Yes I think that’d be helpful. I don’t do it exactly that way, though I might start. What I do is start a new entry in my magical journal for each goal, and mark it off once it is manifested, with the date of the manifestation.
Z, I’d suggest, until you get a good rhythm, choose one next level goal, and maybe one smaller goal to focus on. Allow the other parts of your life to just naturally flow.
Great job with the music and the progress on your manifestations.
Way to follow the flow.
Justin
Thank you Justin! I’m still learning, but I’m definitely making progress. 🙂
Your welcome.
Z, I’d suggest, until you get a good rhythm, choose one next level goal, and maybe one smaller goal to focus on. Allow the other parts of your life to just naturally flow.
Great job with the music and the progress on your manifestations.
Way to follow the flow.
Justin
Thank you Justin! I’m still learning, but I’m definitely making progress. 🙂
Your welcome.
Hi Brandon,
I was supposed to complete my music goal today, but I didn’t. I got hit really, really, really hard with resistance. First of all, there was massive fatigue. When I went to record my final versions of my songs (I decided to record videos of me singing them), all of my takes were lackluster and highly flawed. I felt really unable to focus and get into the songs. I was supposed to record these videos and then send them to an artist I know (she offered to listen to them as another set of ears). Despite all the focusing I’ve done and work on releasing resistance, I am still so intimidated by her. She is successful and quite well known among people who listen to her genre of music. I feel like my songs aren’t good enough, even though I’ve worked really hard and spent a lot of time on them.
I know I can get the videos done this week, but I don’t know why I still feel so afraid of sending them to this artist. It’s frightening. I want to complete this goal and send my songs as originally planned, but the fear and stress is so intense.
I think a lot of the exhaustion I am experiencing is because this past weekend (and today to a lesser extent), some pretty massive resistance came up around relationships. My relationship goal is for the most part unrelated to my music goal, but there are some underlying themes, such as not feeling good enough. Yesterday I was really stuck in emotional turmoil over the resistance I have to the relationship I want. I know it’s come up because I’ve been focusing on it intensely, and it’s been hitting me very hard, so much so that it feels impossible to remove my focus from it.
Hi R,
Can you sit with the image of sending that video to her for a while, and just let the discomfort come up and through you? That’s what I’ve done when I’ve had a very difficult goal. In time, your subconscious mind will get used to it.
Hi Brandon,
I’ve done that a few times since I wrote my comment. There is some really intense anxiety that comes up (what if my videos don’t turn out very well, what if I’m really hurt by something she says, what if I look really stupid, etc.) I’m guessing that I’ll have to do this a few more times. It’s definitely still uncomfortable sitting with the image of me sending the videos. Most of the focusing I did was on me completing my songs, which I did, but sending the videos is bringing up a lot more resistance than I realized I had.
Hi R,
I understand. Don’t argue with the subconscious doubts. Just let them come and go.
The greatest key as a magus / LOA practitioner / whatever you want to call yourself, is to master your own mind. What I mean by that is to only identify with the parts of yourself you want to be true, and to let go of the rest. You have full control. You don’t want those doubts to be true, so don’t give them attention, and thus power.
This is really profound: “Only identify with the parts of yourself you want to be true, and to let go of the rest.”
I really want to finish my goal and send my videos to the artist I know. I know that the only obstacle in between where I am and completing my goal is myself. I have been preparing for this for weeks and experienced some pretty helpful breakthroughs last week. Now other issues are coming to the surface that I didn’t even realize were there.
I feel that a lot of my resistance around this goal has been intensified by issues in other areas of my life. For example, today and this weekend, I was feeling very down about getting older and no longer looking as good as I did when I was 18-19. There is a deep sadness that comes with knowing you’re past your physical prime. I feel a lot of anger at myself for not maximizing these past few years and using my appearance to help me in certain areas of my life. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s a real concern for many people, particularly women, and it feels awful because there really is nothing you can do about it.
Hi R,
I understand. Just keep working through the resistance and you will get there.
As far as your appearance, I’ve heard of women in their 40s who have still taken advantage of their appearance. I think it has to do with confidence, and your own mindset. I’m not sure how old you are, but I wouldn’t let that stop you.
For me a lot of resistance about my appearance has come up when focusing on a relationship. I have some intense fears about my partner cheating on or leaving me for someone younger. We hear all the time how men only want young girls and how after you’re a certain age, you’re invisible and no longer desirable. Many times in the past I was pursued by men who only wanted young women and this made me very aware of how valuable youth is. This also happened to friends of mine too. As I was going through some old belongings today, I came across a photo from when I was 19 and was hit with intense sadness that I no longer look that fresh and youthful. At 19 my appearance related concerns were mostly about issues other than age, and they were also pretty intense. I don’t look bad now, but I know it will only go downhill from here as I’m not getting any younger. I feel a lot of pressure to find someone now, because time is running out and my physical value is depreciating at a fast rate.
Hi R,
I’ll be very candid with you, because honestly this has been a point of difficulty for me as well in the past.
First of all, stop equating your value with how you look. No matter who you are, that will only last for so long. I don’t get the obsession to always try to look young.
I know this sounds cliche, but your partner is going to have to value you for more than your looks. When you obsess like this and worry about not being valued, you’re basically saying that this is all that’s valuable about you. But what is your partner going to see in you when you’re 50? 60? 70? What’s he going to see in you when the physical beauty is gone?
Sure, there are plenty of guys like that, who will judge you on your appearance alone, mostly younger guys I think. But do you really want someone like that? What’s such a guy going to do after a few years? Let’s say when you’re pregnant, or when your physical body isn’t as appealing. He’s going to have to see deeper than that.
I know a bit of how it is because honestly, I’m very self-conscious about my own physical appearance. It’s why I rarely do video, or at least part of the reason.
It’s not because I’m afraid of not being loved, though. I’m already married, and Christine has said repeatedly she doesn’t care about that. But still, it is something that’s always bugged me. So, I get where you’re coming from.
I feel that there have been many ups and downs with my goals. Sometimes I feel so confident and assured about them, other times I feel filled with doubt. The more intensely I focus on them, the more intense the resistance that arises. It seems that when I’m doing well in one area or have had some small success in regards to a certain goal, another challenge arises, bringing up intense anxiety and discomfort (pendulum swing?)
That’s the path. You’re carving out the path to your goal. It’s not easy. I wouldn’t call it the pendulum swing, because to me you are still on the path and progressing. It’s just that you work through one layer, and then another layer comes up to be released. It’s very common. Nothing is wrong.
Yes, you’re right, this path isn’t easy at all. As soon as success is reached in one area, another difficulty arises. It’s as though it never really ends. I know I will complete this goal, as scary as it may be right now. There have been many turns and twists in the path, and it has definitely forced me to grow and face some very deeply-rooted fears.
As much as I dislike Abraham, it reminds me of their step 5. They describe step 5 as the knowledge that working through resistance is just another part of the path, and it’s perfectly okay and even welcome. That’s how I’ve felt lately. There’s nothing better than the feeling of some big piece of resistance coming up, then feeling as it is released.
That’s true. The feeling of releasing resistance and eventually achieving your goal is very satisfying. It’s a challenging journey, but the rewards gained from it are great.
Hi Brandon,
I was supposed to complete my music goal today, but I didn’t. I got hit really, really, really hard with resistance. First of all, there was massive fatigue. When I went to record my final versions of my songs (I decided to record videos of me singing them), all of my takes were lackluster and highly flawed. I felt really unable to focus and get into the songs. I was supposed to record these videos and then send them to an artist I know (she offered to listen to them as another set of ears). Despite all the focusing I’ve done and work on releasing resistance, I am still so intimidated by her. She is successful and quite well known among people who listen to her genre of music. I feel like my songs aren’t good enough, even though I’ve worked really hard and spent a lot of time on them.
I know I can get the videos done this week, but I don’t know why I still feel so afraid of sending them to this artist. It’s frightening. I want to complete this goal and send my songs as originally planned, but the fear and stress is so intense.
I think a lot of the exhaustion I am experiencing is because this past weekend (and today to a lesser extent), some pretty massive resistance came up around relationships. My relationship goal is for the most part unrelated to my music goal, but there are some underlying themes, such as not feeling good enough. Yesterday I was really stuck in emotional turmoil over the resistance I have to the relationship I want. I know it’s come up because I’ve been focusing on it intensely, and it’s been hitting me very hard, so much so that it feels impossible to remove my focus from it.
Hi R,
Can you sit with the image of sending that video to her for a while, and just let the discomfort come up and through you? That’s what I’ve done when I’ve had a very difficult goal. In time, your subconscious mind will get used to it.
Hi Brandon,
I’ve done that a few times since I wrote my comment. There is some really intense anxiety that comes up (what if my videos don’t turn out very well, what if I’m really hurt by something she says, what if I look really stupid, etc.) I’m guessing that I’ll have to do this a few more times. It’s definitely still uncomfortable sitting with the image of me sending the videos. Most of the focusing I did was on me completing my songs, which I did, but sending the videos is bringing up a lot more resistance than I realized I had.
Hi R,
I understand. Don’t argue with the subconscious doubts. Just let them come and go.
The greatest key as a magus / LOA practitioner / whatever you want to call yourself, is to master your own mind. What I mean by that is to only identify with the parts of yourself you want to be true, and to let go of the rest. You have full control. You don’t want those doubts to be true, so don’t give them attention, and thus power.
This is really profound: “Only identify with the parts of yourself you want to be true, and to let go of the rest.”
I really want to finish my goal and send my videos to the artist I know. I know that the only obstacle in between where I am and completing my goal is myself. I have been preparing for this for weeks and experienced some pretty helpful breakthroughs last week. Now other issues are coming to the surface that I didn’t even realize were there.
I feel that a lot of my resistance around this goal has been intensified by issues in other areas of my life. For example, today and this weekend, I was feeling very down about getting older and no longer looking as good as I did when I was 18-19. There is a deep sadness that comes with knowing you’re past your physical prime. I feel a lot of anger at myself for not maximizing these past few years and using my appearance to help me in certain areas of my life. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s a real concern for many people, particularly women, and it feels awful because there really is nothing you can do about it.
Hi R,
I understand. Just keep working through the resistance and you will get there.
As far as your appearance, I’ve heard of women in their 40s who have still taken advantage of their appearance. I think it has to do with confidence, and your own mindset. I’m not sure how old you are, but I wouldn’t let that stop you.
For me a lot of resistance about my appearance has come up when focusing on a relationship. I have some intense fears about my partner cheating on or leaving me for someone younger. We hear all the time how men only want young girls and how after you’re a certain age, you’re invisible and no longer desirable. Many times in the past I was pursued by men who only wanted young women and this made me very aware of how valuable youth is. This also happened to friends of mine too. As I was going through some old belongings today, I came across a photo from when I was 19 and was hit with intense sadness that I no longer look that fresh and youthful. At 19 my appearance related concerns were mostly about issues other than age, and they were also pretty intense. I don’t look bad now, but I know it will only go downhill from here as I’m not getting any younger. I feel a lot of pressure to find someone now, because time is running out and my physical value is depreciating at a fast rate.
Hi R,
I’ll be very candid with you, because honestly this has been a point of difficulty for me as well in the past.
First of all, stop equating your value with how you look. No matter who you are, that will only last for so long. I don’t get the obsession to always try to look young.
I know this sounds cliche, but your partner is going to have to value you for more than your looks. When you obsess like this and worry about not being valued, you’re basically saying that this is all that’s valuable about you. But what is your partner going to see in you when you’re 50? 60? 70? What’s he going to see in you when the physical beauty is gone?
Sure, there are plenty of guys like that, who will judge you on your appearance alone, mostly younger guys I think. But do you really want someone like that? What’s such a guy going to do after a few years? Let’s say when you’re pregnant, or when your physical body isn’t as appealing. He’s going to have to see deeper than that.
I know a bit of how it is because honestly, I’m very self-conscious about my own physical appearance. It’s why I rarely do video, or at least part of the reason.
It’s not because I’m afraid of not being loved, though. I’m already married, and Christine has said repeatedly she doesn’t care about that. But still, it is something that’s always bugged me. So, I get where you’re coming from.
I feel that there have been many ups and downs with my goals. Sometimes I feel so confident and assured about them, other times I feel filled with doubt. The more intensely I focus on them, the more intense the resistance that arises. It seems that when I’m doing well in one area or have had some small success in regards to a certain goal, another challenge arises, bringing up intense anxiety and discomfort (pendulum swing?)
That’s the path. You’re carving out the path to your goal. It’s not easy. I wouldn’t call it the pendulum swing, because to me you are still on the path and progressing. It’s just that you work through one layer, and then another layer comes up to be released. It’s very common. Nothing is wrong.
Yes, you’re right, this path isn’t easy at all. As soon as success is reached in one area, another difficulty arises. It’s as though it never really ends. I know I will complete this goal, as scary as it may be right now. There have been many turns and twists in the path, and it has definitely forced me to grow and face some very deeply-rooted fears.
As much as I dislike Abraham, it reminds me of their step 5. They describe step 5 as the knowledge that working through resistance is just another part of the path, and it’s perfectly okay and even welcome. That’s how I’ve felt lately. There’s nothing better than the feeling of some big piece of resistance coming up, then feeling as it is released.
That’s true. The feeling of releasing resistance and eventually achieving your goal is very satisfying. It’s a challenging journey, but the rewards gained from it are great.
I don’t want to feel this way, but I do because this was the message that has been given to me by pretty much everyone. Once I am no longer young, no one will want me. It hurts. The scary thing is that the vast majority of men feel this way. They may stay with their wives for decades, but they are secretly fantasizing about someone younger. I want someone who truly loves me for me, but it seems impossible that I could find this person. I had men who were married and much, much older than me express interest in me from the time I was 17 or 18. It made me fearful because I know they were just valuing me for my age. I really want to find someone who isn’t so obsessed with youth, but that seems impossible.
Hi R,
How do you know “most” men are like this? Granted, many are frankly disgusting in their behavior. I won’t argue with you there.
But I won’t say that most are that way. Most are respectable and mature.
But this likely has to do with your own outlook. When you believe most are like this, then that’s what you’re going to see. Look for evidence of the opposite, though, and the Universe will start to show you that. Look for evidence of men who are faithful to their wives no matter what.
Hey, R, hang in there! I’ve also had issues about my looks, and have worried about “not being young anymore”, so I know how it must be for you, at least partially. I’m still working on it, too. One advice is to realize that there are many girls who are young, physically attractive etc., but still people don’t seem to be into them much. Maybe short term, but not long-term. Then they rev up on their physical looks, and maybe get some results, but they never feel good enough. Eventually they get nagging to their partner, who might easily get sick of their constant insecurity and need for approval. Being young and having “the looks” doesn’t guarantee anything. On social media, there are many good looking girls and guys who keep posting selfies too much. Even when they get so many likes, and positive comments, they still radiate those feelings of doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-love. Many people try to fix that by revving up even more on their looks, looking more physically attractive and younger. I guess that the rejection hurts even more at those stages, because the stakes are higher.
What I know you and I (and other people) need to do is growing love towards ourself. Appreciating and loving ourself. I used to blame myself a lot, and hate myself, because I couldn’t make friends, because “no-one wants me”, etc. A bit more than a year ago, I released a lot of energy of self-hatred and self-disgust, which resulted in crying, but a lot of relief, too. Since then, I haven’t really felt self-disgust and self-hatred. However it defaults to “zero” now, so I still need to grow it up into love, little by little.
Also lately, whenever I tend to compare myself with someone, I remind myself that we all have more than just this one life, actually a whole set of different lifetimes, so comparison is really inaccurate. It’s not that I’ve failed miserably for not being able to make friends for most of my life. It’s actually that my journey through many lifetimes is different that someone else’s, through different lifetimes. This helps alleviate the need for comparison, for me. I’m still working on myself, but I hope this helps you at least a bit. 🙂
I forgot to mention Z that when I was younger, I did dress a little sexier than I do now. I would get a lot of attention, but it was for the wrong reasons. I felt even lonelier, because even after putting more effort into my looks, still no one wanted me for me. I wasn’t interested in any of the guys pursuing me for how I dressed and kept wondering what I was doing wrong.
Yeah, I kind of understand that. It’s like me trying to appeal to people to like me (as a friend), but nothing working in the end. And yeah, the more we try, the WORSE it gets. Every time. I still catch myself trying to appeal to people to like me, and then I just stop, and focus on celebrating what I love in life. (music I like, for example 😉 )
(btw I’d love to hear your music/songs one day)
Unless we work on self-love, loving our good parts, kind parts, weird parts, funny parts, clumsy parts, etc., we will always feel empty. I’ve been there so many times, so I know it very well. I see a dog on the street, I appreciate the cutey for being there. Same thing with cats, even birds, especially those that make funny noises. 😛
I’m sure that none of us can truly be happy in a relationship (romantic or friendly), unless we have strong love and appreciation in ourselves for us, our body, and the world around us. But mostly ourselves. Because when we feel love in ourselves, when we ARE love, then we radiate love, and we can find true people.
I think that somewhere I read something like, “Be the kind of person you would love to be in a relationship with.”, or “Love yourself like you would love your partner”. Most people are lacking a strong foundation of love, and then when quarrels and problems arise, they need the love. However if both partners are lacking it, they can both be sexy as all hell, but it won’t work out in the end. Everyone should be able to always find that eternal love in themselves, to draw their strength and nourishment from. That way we are not depending on that input of love from out partner, making them feel even more stressed out and pressured.
Also, there are guys who are sexy, and look very good, but they don’t attract me one bit. They either radiate insecurity about themselves, and/or they don’t seem to display any kindness and love, and/or their behavior is sometimes so unpleasing to me. On the other hand, I know some guys that may not be “sexy”, or even my type (in the physical sense), but they have that attractive vibe of kindness, friendliness, and love. I know that if I were straight, then I would also want a girl who loves herself, radiates kindness, has a beautiful smile, and just loves people. She could be young and sexy, but without that self-love, self-esteem, and joy towards life, people, animals and nature, I wouldn’t be attracted to her, I’m sure.
So let’s both nourish self-love, and appreciation for love wherever we see it. 🙂
Being/Looking young and physically attractive really has no real value, unless the person is radiating that love and kindness. At least in my opinion. 🙂
Thank you Z! I would be happy to share my songs with you when I release them. 🙂
I know I need to work on cultivating self love and inner strength. I do fall into the trap of searching for it from outside of myself, despite knowing that this places a lot of pressure on other people.
I know what you mean about not being attracted to many good looking men. Honestly a lot of attraction for me is based on type/vibe. Yes, I am attracted to people I find physically attractive, but many of them aren’t really the type of guy played up by mainstream media as the ideal handsome and desirable man. Actually many of my friends don’t find the guys I like very attractive at all. A lot of what attracts me are the qualities of that person. I tend to be attracted to people who share similar interests and passions, outlooks on life, are down to earth, kind and discrete, etc. Physical attraction is present too, but there is always something deeper with the people I’m really, really attracted to and dream about. There are many guys who are good looking but are not truly attractive to me, simply because I can’t relate to them, or I don’t like who they are or how they behave.
Being young and sexy is valued way, way to high by society. On Instagram, Snapchat and YouTube for example, you have millions upon millions of good looking young people who, let’s be honest, come off as pretty vapid. Yes they are attractive and good at playing up their looks, but many of them seem very hollow when you actually them speak. It’s like they’re empty shells whose lives revolve around taking selfies with the dog filter and amassing followers (lol!) I hate to generalize, but from my experience, people who spend so much time on their appearance and self-promotion tend to be lacking in substance and depth. It’s as if they haven’t developed other parts of themselves except the exterior.
I see many places on the internet for example where men talk about women’s appearance quite bluntly, stating that once she’s 21 or 22 she’s past her prime and that only girls younger than this are worth pursuing. I have personally been approached and pursued by many married men (much older than me usually) who were interested in sleeping with me or wanted me to be their long term mistress. One of them had told me that 19-20 is the best age for women.
He wasn’t my boyfriend, but someone I was seeing for a while (who is 20 years older than me) would always talk about women’s appearance, constantly making reference to what he found attractive (often young girls). A good friend of mine also dated a guy who also was quite a bit older than her, and he often told her that he likes her because she’s young and pretty. She always felt hurt and hated only being valued for her youth and looks.
There are many men who are faithful to their wives, yes, but inside I’m sure the vast majority are fantasizing about being with someone younger, or they lie to themselves about feeling attracted to their wives. Another good friend of mine’s parents split when her dad had an affair with a much younger woman. This event made both my friend and I painfully aware of the power of youth and how men only want young women.
Hi R,
Again, you’re only seeing this because of your subconscious belief. I know many, many men who are not like this, and it’s not like they’re just lying to themselves. Many are indeed respectable.
I’m sorry that you went through this, but please don’t paint the whole male sex with the same brush.
You are right, there are guys out there who are not like this. It just seems that they are very rare, especially if they are in the position of having women throw themselves at them. I feel that we live in a really over-sexed society, especially in this age of Instagram where people will go to great lengths to enhance their looks.
Men retain their social/physical value much better than women do. A guy in his 30’s, 40’s and beyond can still be very attractive and desirable, unlike a woman of the same age. Of course there are exceptions, but for the most part this is true. I remember reading a study of how asking male and female preference about the ideal age of their partners. Even 45 year old men wanted women in their early 20’s, while women of the same age only wanted someone a bit younger than them (up until 32 I think women wanted an older partner).
Hi R,
Let’s do an experiment. Let’s say you’re a magus. You’re will is prime and fundamental. What you hold in your subjective universe will become true in your objective universe.
Now, what would it be like to live in a world where men valued you for who you were, and not just for how you looked on the outside?
What would it be like to live in a world where you could easily find a partner that really valued you?
Sit with that. It’ll be uncomfortable at first. Your subjective universe isn’t compatible with this point of view right now, so of course it’ll be uncomfortable. But sit with it anyway, daily.
See what happens. 🙂
Hi Z,
Your comment was really helpful, thank you for taking the time to share your experience.
I can relate to being young, but not having anyone interested in me beyond sleeping with me. That really sucked. Back then, I thought that when I was older, it would be easier to find a boyfriend who loved me for who I was. Now the issue is with the male preference for younger women.
I understand what you mean about social media. I have seen plenty of accounts with people (usually young girls) wearing lots and lots of makeup, using filters and angles to make them look, quite frankly, a lot better than they probably do in real life. It seems that for some of them, life is all about your number of followers and how many compliments you get about how you look on Instagram. It’s so difficult to know what’s real and what’s fake these days. I know this is the case with recording too, as recorded music (even videos and recordings which are supposed to be live) is often heavily edited and produced, as well as enhanced by other factors such as the choice of microphone and other recording gear. People want a perfect sound and will nitpick any imperfections in truly live performances.
I guess we all struggle with different issues. For you it may be making friends, and someone else may make friends easily but have issues in another area that you’re fine in.
Thank you Brandon for that suggestion. All of this resistance has been coming up big time since I have been focusing on the relationship I want. It is very painful to deal with.
That would be very different from what I’ve experienced. It would be really nice to find a partner who really values me as a person and doesn’t see me as an object, but I feel like that’s impossible or too good to be true. And as shallow as it may sound, I would still like there to be physical attraction between us (again, not the most important part of the relationship, but I would like it to be present). I would still like for my partner to be physically attracted to me and for me to be physically attracted to him, but not make how we look the most important thing in our relationship. I’m just afraid that this kind of person (someone who loves me for me, attractive, good and respectable person, monogamous) doesn’t exist, or that it would take me many years to find him.
What you’re afraid of, you create. So… don’t do that. 😉
If you’re really the creator, then that person is out there, and the sooner you embody your desire, the sooner you will find him.
It feels like a fantasy right now, something I can’t quite believe in. I know I would love my partner for who he is, beyond the physical and even when we’re older, but I have a lot of trouble believing that he would feel the same way about me. A lot of this comes down to beliefs I was instilled with from a young age, such as women care about how men make them feel, stability and financial support, and men care about how a woman looks. These beliefs are very deeply ingrained, so it’s really difficult to shift them.
When I visualize this person and our relationship, it feels like something that isn’t possible in this reality.
You know what, just as I’m typing this, I remembered someone I went on a date with who was actually quite different from other guys I met. There was also a large age difference between us, but I remember him telling me that he hopes I don’t get Botox when I’m 40. I feel like he didn’t only see me for what I look like. It just seems that there aren’t many men who think that way. I know it’s a primal instinct to be attracted to beauty, but it’s so fleeting and far too celebrated in our society.
This is really awesome. You were doing great for a moment, finding evidence of your new reality you want to create. But then you focused back on the old reality.
It’s okay. You’re making progress. Focus on that evidence and let it grow. 🙂
I just thought of something else. There is a music producer I find really attractive inside and out. I don’t desire to be with him specifically, but he is a great example of what I would love in a partner. I do find him very physically attractive, yes, but if I didn’t know what I know about his work and how he lives his life, I would probably just think he’s ok or just cute but nothing out of the ordinary. What really strengthened my attraction to him is what I’ve learned about him through watching and reading his interviews. He seems like a genuinely interesting and nice person with good priorities in life, someone who has a lot more going for him than what’s on the surface. I would love it if someone felt that way about me.
Not long ago I spent some time working at an apartment complex for retired people. There were a few couples living there, and from what I had observed, they seemed very happy together. It really seemed that they loved each other and truly enjoyed each other’s company. I always thought that those types of relationships no longer exist these days, particularly in our generation. I have often heard that many of those couples married for decades are really unhappy, but these people (and a few other older couples I know) seemed genuinely happy together.
I should add that for all of the guys I’ve felt intense attraction to, my feelings were always more than physical. There were always deeper aspects to how I felt about them than how they looked. Usually it was because of similar outlooks, passions, interests, personalities, etc. It was never only because I liked their appearance. Yes I admit I’ve been attracted to a few guys just because they were cute, but the attraction was fleeting and superficial because we had nothing in common. There wasn’t the same pull as the times I’ve liked someone because of a deeper connection.
I was browsing a forum where young guys go to talk about girls they find attractive. They argue about who they find better looking and why others are wrong for not agreeing. Anyway, it appears that many of these forum members find certain girls attractive because they’re their type (e.g. she looks innocent and pure, or high class, weird, vegan, down to earth, very sexual, etc.) These qualities tend to be inner qualities than actual physical traits. I think there is a lot more to attraction than we’re often aware of, even if it seemingly occurs on a solely physical level.
I don’t want to feel this way, but I do because this was the message that has been given to me by pretty much everyone. Once I am no longer young, no one will want me. It hurts. The scary thing is that the vast majority of men feel this way. They may stay with their wives for decades, but they are secretly fantasizing about someone younger. I want someone who truly loves me for me, but it seems impossible that I could find this person. I had men who were married and much, much older than me express interest in me from the time I was 17 or 18. It made me fearful because I know they were just valuing me for my age. I really want to find someone who isn’t so obsessed with youth, but that seems impossible.
Hi R,
How do you know “most” men are like this? Granted, many are frankly disgusting in their behavior. I won’t argue with you there.
But I won’t say that most are that way. Most are respectable and mature.
But this likely has to do with your own outlook. When you believe most are like this, then that’s what you’re going to see. Look for evidence of the opposite, though, and the Universe will start to show you that. Look for evidence of men who are faithful to their wives no matter what.
Hey, R, hang in there! I’ve also had issues about my looks, and have worried about “not being young anymore”, so I know how it must be for you, at least partially. I’m still working on it, too. One advice is to realize that there are many girls who are young, physically attractive etc., but still people don’t seem to be into them much. Maybe short term, but not long-term. Then they rev up on their physical looks, and maybe get some results, but they never feel good enough. Eventually they get nagging to their partner, who might easily get sick of their constant insecurity and need for approval. Being young and having “the looks” doesn’t guarantee anything. On social media, there are many good looking girls and guys who keep posting selfies too much. Even when they get so many likes, and positive comments, they still radiate those feelings of doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-love. Many people try to fix that by revving up even more on their looks, looking more physically attractive and younger. I guess that the rejection hurts even more at those stages, because the stakes are higher.
What I know you and I (and other people) need to do is growing love towards ourself. Appreciating and loving ourself. I used to blame myself a lot, and hate myself, because I couldn’t make friends, because “no-one wants me”, etc. A bit more than a year ago, I released a lot of energy of self-hatred and self-disgust, which resulted in crying, but a lot of relief, too. Since then, I haven’t really felt self-disgust and self-hatred. However it defaults to “zero” now, so I still need to grow it up into love, little by little.
Also lately, whenever I tend to compare myself with someone, I remind myself that we all have more than just this one life, actually a whole set of different lifetimes, so comparison is really inaccurate. It’s not that I’ve failed miserably for not being able to make friends for most of my life. It’s actually that my journey through many lifetimes is different that someone else’s, through different lifetimes. This helps alleviate the need for comparison, for me. I’m still working on myself, but I hope this helps you at least a bit. 🙂
I forgot to mention Z that when I was younger, I did dress a little sexier than I do now. I would get a lot of attention, but it was for the wrong reasons. I felt even lonelier, because even after putting more effort into my looks, still no one wanted me for me. I wasn’t interested in any of the guys pursuing me for how I dressed and kept wondering what I was doing wrong.
Yeah, I kind of understand that. It’s like me trying to appeal to people to like me (as a friend), but nothing working in the end. And yeah, the more we try, the WORSE it gets. Every time. I still catch myself trying to appeal to people to like me, and then I just stop, and focus on celebrating what I love in life. (music I like, for example 😉 )
(btw I’d love to hear your music/songs one day)
Unless we work on self-love, loving our good parts, kind parts, weird parts, funny parts, clumsy parts, etc., we will always feel empty. I’ve been there so many times, so I know it very well. I see a dog on the street, I appreciate the cutey for being there. Same thing with cats, even birds, especially those that make funny noises. 😛
I’m sure that none of us can truly be happy in a relationship (romantic or friendly), unless we have strong love and appreciation in ourselves for us, our body, and the world around us. But mostly ourselves. Because when we feel love in ourselves, when we ARE love, then we radiate love, and we can find true people.
I think that somewhere I read something like, “Be the kind of person you would love to be in a relationship with.”, or “Love yourself like you would love your partner”. Most people are lacking a strong foundation of love, and then when quarrels and problems arise, they need the love. However if both partners are lacking it, they can both be sexy as all hell, but it won’t work out in the end. Everyone should be able to always find that eternal love in themselves, to draw their strength and nourishment from. That way we are not depending on that input of love from out partner, making them feel even more stressed out and pressured.
Also, there are guys who are sexy, and look very good, but they don’t attract me one bit. They either radiate insecurity about themselves, and/or they don’t seem to display any kindness and love, and/or their behavior is sometimes so unpleasing to me. On the other hand, I know some guys that may not be “sexy”, or even my type (in the physical sense), but they have that attractive vibe of kindness, friendliness, and love. I know that if I were straight, then I would also want a girl who loves herself, radiates kindness, has a beautiful smile, and just loves people. She could be young and sexy, but without that self-love, self-esteem, and joy towards life, people, animals and nature, I wouldn’t be attracted to her, I’m sure.
So let’s both nourish self-love, and appreciation for love wherever we see it. 🙂
Being/Looking young and physically attractive really has no real value, unless the person is radiating that love and kindness. At least in my opinion. 🙂
Thank you Z! I would be happy to share my songs with you when I release them. 🙂
I know I need to work on cultivating self love and inner strength. I do fall into the trap of searching for it from outside of myself, despite knowing that this places a lot of pressure on other people.
I know what you mean about not being attracted to many good looking men. Honestly a lot of attraction for me is based on type/vibe. Yes, I am attracted to people I find physically attractive, but many of them aren’t really the type of guy played up by mainstream media as the ideal handsome and desirable man. Actually many of my friends don’t find the guys I like very attractive at all. A lot of what attracts me are the qualities of that person. I tend to be attracted to people who share similar interests and passions, outlooks on life, are down to earth, kind and discrete, etc. Physical attraction is present too, but there is always something deeper with the people I’m really, really attracted to and dream about. There are many guys who are good looking but are not truly attractive to me, simply because I can’t relate to them, or I don’t like who they are or how they behave.
Being young and sexy is valued way, way to high by society. On Instagram, Snapchat and YouTube for example, you have millions upon millions of good looking young people who, let’s be honest, come off as pretty vapid. Yes they are attractive and good at playing up their looks, but many of them seem very hollow when you actually them speak. It’s like they’re empty shells whose lives revolve around taking selfies with the dog filter and amassing followers (lol!) I hate to generalize, but from my experience, people who spend so much time on their appearance and self-promotion tend to be lacking in substance and depth. It’s as if they haven’t developed other parts of themselves except the exterior.
I see many places on the internet for example where men talk about women’s appearance quite bluntly, stating that once she’s 21 or 22 she’s past her prime and that only girls younger than this are worth pursuing. I have personally been approached and pursued by many married men (much older than me usually) who were interested in sleeping with me or wanted me to be their long term mistress. One of them had told me that 19-20 is the best age for women.
He wasn’t my boyfriend, but someone I was seeing for a while (who is 20 years older than me) would always talk about women’s appearance, constantly making reference to what he found attractive (often young girls). A good friend of mine also dated a guy who also was quite a bit older than her, and he often told her that he likes her because she’s young and pretty. She always felt hurt and hated only being valued for her youth and looks.
There are many men who are faithful to their wives, yes, but inside I’m sure the vast majority are fantasizing about being with someone younger, or they lie to themselves about feeling attracted to their wives. Another good friend of mine’s parents split when her dad had an affair with a much younger woman. This event made both my friend and I painfully aware of the power of youth and how men only want young women.
Hi R,
Again, you’re only seeing this because of your subconscious belief. I know many, many men who are not like this, and it’s not like they’re just lying to themselves. Many are indeed respectable.
I’m sorry that you went through this, but please don’t paint the whole male sex with the same brush.
You are right, there are guys out there who are not like this. It just seems that they are very rare, especially if they are in the position of having women throw themselves at them. I feel that we live in a really over-sexed society, especially in this age of Instagram where people will go to great lengths to enhance their looks.
Men retain their social/physical value much better than women do. A guy in his 30’s, 40’s and beyond can still be very attractive and desirable, unlike a woman of the same age. Of course there are exceptions, but for the most part this is true. I remember reading a study of how asking male and female preference about the ideal age of their partners. Even 45 year old men wanted women in their early 20’s, while women of the same age only wanted someone a bit younger than them (up until 32 I think women wanted an older partner).
Hi R,
Let’s do an experiment. Let’s say you’re a magus. You’re will is prime and fundamental. What you hold in your subjective universe will become true in your objective universe.
Now, what would it be like to live in a world where men valued you for who you were, and not just for how you looked on the outside?
What would it be like to live in a world where you could easily find a partner that really valued you?
Sit with that. It’ll be uncomfortable at first. Your subjective universe isn’t compatible with this point of view right now, so of course it’ll be uncomfortable. But sit with it anyway, daily.
See what happens. 🙂
Hi Z,
Your comment was really helpful, thank you for taking the time to share your experience.
I can relate to being young, but not having anyone interested in me beyond sleeping with me. That really sucked. Back then, I thought that when I was older, it would be easier to find a boyfriend who loved me for who I was. Now the issue is with the male preference for younger women.
I understand what you mean about social media. I have seen plenty of accounts with people (usually young girls) wearing lots and lots of makeup, using filters and angles to make them look, quite frankly, a lot better than they probably do in real life. It seems that for some of them, life is all about your number of followers and how many compliments you get about how you look on Instagram. It’s so difficult to know what’s real and what’s fake these days. I know this is the case with recording too, as recorded music (even videos and recordings which are supposed to be live) is often heavily edited and produced, as well as enhanced by other factors such as the choice of microphone and other recording gear. People want a perfect sound and will nitpick any imperfections in truly live performances.
I guess we all struggle with different issues. For you it may be making friends, and someone else may make friends easily but have issues in another area that you’re fine in.
Thank you Brandon for that suggestion. All of this resistance has been coming up big time since I have been focusing on the relationship I want. It is very painful to deal with.
That would be very different from what I’ve experienced. It would be really nice to find a partner who really values me as a person and doesn’t see me as an object, but I feel like that’s impossible or too good to be true. And as shallow as it may sound, I would still like there to be physical attraction between us (again, not the most important part of the relationship, but I would like it to be present). I would still like for my partner to be physically attracted to me and for me to be physically attracted to him, but not make how we look the most important thing in our relationship. I’m just afraid that this kind of person (someone who loves me for me, attractive, good and respectable person, monogamous) doesn’t exist, or that it would take me many years to find him.
What you’re afraid of, you create. So… don’t do that. 😉
If you’re really the creator, then that person is out there, and the sooner you embody your desire, the sooner you will find him.
It feels like a fantasy right now, something I can’t quite believe in. I know I would love my partner for who he is, beyond the physical and even when we’re older, but I have a lot of trouble believing that he would feel the same way about me. A lot of this comes down to beliefs I was instilled with from a young age, such as women care about how men make them feel, stability and financial support, and men care about how a woman looks. These beliefs are very deeply ingrained, so it’s really difficult to shift them.
When I visualize this person and our relationship, it feels like something that isn’t possible in this reality.
You know what, just as I’m typing this, I remembered someone I went on a date with who was actually quite different from other guys I met. There was also a large age difference between us, but I remember him telling me that he hopes I don’t get Botox when I’m 40. I feel like he didn’t only see me for what I look like. It just seems that there aren’t many men who think that way. I know it’s a primal instinct to be attracted to beauty, but it’s so fleeting and far too celebrated in our society.
This is really awesome. You were doing great for a moment, finding evidence of your new reality you want to create. But then you focused back on the old reality.
It’s okay. You’re making progress. Focus on that evidence and let it grow. 🙂
I just thought of something else. There is a music producer I find really attractive inside and out. I don’t desire to be with him specifically, but he is a great example of what I would love in a partner. I do find him very physically attractive, yes, but if I didn’t know what I know about his work and how he lives his life, I would probably just think he’s ok or just cute but nothing out of the ordinary. What really strengthened my attraction to him is what I’ve learned about him through watching and reading his interviews. He seems like a genuinely interesting and nice person with good priorities in life, someone who has a lot more going for him than what’s on the surface. I would love it if someone felt that way about me.
Not long ago I spent some time working at an apartment complex for retired people. There were a few couples living there, and from what I had observed, they seemed very happy together. It really seemed that they loved each other and truly enjoyed each other’s company. I always thought that those types of relationships no longer exist these days, particularly in our generation. I have often heard that many of those couples married for decades are really unhappy, but these people (and a few other older couples I know) seemed genuinely happy together.
I should add that for all of the guys I’ve felt intense attraction to, my feelings were always more than physical. There were always deeper aspects to how I felt about them than how they looked. Usually it was because of similar outlooks, passions, interests, personalities, etc. It was never only because I liked their appearance. Yes I admit I’ve been attracted to a few guys just because they were cute, but the attraction was fleeting and superficial because we had nothing in common. There wasn’t the same pull as the times I’ve liked someone because of a deeper connection.
I was browsing a forum where young guys go to talk about girls they find attractive. They argue about who they find better looking and why others are wrong for not agreeing. Anyway, it appears that many of these forum members find certain girls attractive because they’re their type (e.g. she looks innocent and pure, or high class, weird, vegan, down to earth, very sexual, etc.) These qualities tend to be inner qualities than actual physical traits. I think there is a lot more to attraction than we’re often aware of, even if it seemingly occurs on a solely physical level.