In today’s Spiritual Freedom Support Call, we discuss taking full responsibility for your life, how to use creative tension, whether a manifestation can be stopped due to your highest good, as well as the importance of working with the gods.
- [0:55] How to deal with repeating patterns.
- [7:04] Taking 100% responsibility for everything in your life.
- [14:34] Focus on the wanted, not the unwanted.
- [20:15] How does creative tension work?
- [32:35] Your goals demand something of you.
- [35:36] The importance of choosing your goal.
- [37:32] What is the role of positive emotions?
- [43:13] Can a manifestation be blocked for our highest good?
- [60:48] Should you follow a tradition?
- [62:08] The difference between emotion and energy.
- [66:49] How the gods can help us.
- [70:54] Forming a relationship with the gods.
- [76:28] Prayer vs. creation.
- [84:45] The difference between the Universe and gods.
- [85:24] When a psychic’s prediction doesn’t come true.
How About You?
Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear your thoughts about any of the above topics. Please leave a comment below and join the discussion!
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Yes, spirituality is about freedom, taking control of your life, not being under anyone’s thumb, and being in incessant communication with the Universe, and see it as a your best friend. I would call the Universe the navigator, while you are in the driver’s seat. Basically, it assists in the journey, but yes, you will be told that you must do what it is you want done.
I know, it is just not the right time to talk about some topics, but it is okay. You did take the initiative and one day it will be the right time for a similar topic, if not that particular topic.
Thanks Kat! I like that, that the Universe is the navigator. 🙂 We are the one leading, but the Universe/gods/whatever guides us. I know it’s different for different people, but my own experience is that the gods want us to do things for ourselves as much as possible. They don’t want us dependent on them, but they’ll step in when necessary.
Brandon,
Perhaps we have touched upon this before, however, I need some reinforcement. How can we get back to the zero state? I mean, other than the petting your cat example Abe give all the time. Focusing on something pleasant and other than the ting that got one upset or discombobulated helps, but I do you have a technique?
Hi Kat,
The zero state is your natural state, when you free yourself of identification with anything that is not really you. That includes, of course, negative feelings and thoughts, ego stories, etc.
So that’s really the gist of it. The best way to get there though is through mindfulness.
Taking full responsibility for one’s life, focusing on the wanted, and not the unwanted. Yeap, I understand it more and more. I’ve realized lately how I can make studying easier and more fun by just applying that. Acknowledging and letting go of the positive emotions when something’s going right. Entering the zero state and allowing the negative emotions when something’s not going right, and then refocusing on what I want. It’s the same with people. Today I realized again how I still keep my parents at “distance”, because of the resistant energy towards them that I’m holding inside of myself. I justify it by them having hurt me a lot. It can apply to any person. My feelings for my parents or any other person are my responsibility. Also my feelings towards college and studying. I can reprogram myself, which is a fun way of seeing magic work.
I really hope all this pays off one day soon. I’ll be looking forward to that post about attraction vs. creation. I think you keep making things clearer and clearer, so thank you Brandon. Also I agree, R’s comments were a delight to read, really helpful and interesting.
P.S. I would appreciate it if Ruma (or however her name is spelled) could increase her microphone volume. I miss at least half the things she say, and have to interpret it from other people’s responses to her.
Hi Z,
Yes, you have it. 🙂 I do think you’re doing better, and you just need to acknowledge your successes and ignore any “failures”, because as they say in NLP, there’s no failure, only feedback.
I agree Ruma is hard to hear. Not sure if she can change it as she’s connecting via phone. I’ll ask though.
Z, take it from me, one day you will look back and see how silly all this is. I am now understanding how silly I was being about my regret. I wasted a lot of time wallowing in that depression. I did not have to go through that. I just needed to be calm and at zero, but it did bring me to LOA and the like, kind of solidifying my existing thirst for spirituality, so I thank it and nothing more.
Thanks, Kat, you’re very kind. 🙂 I know how you used to say that you regret some things, but seeing you “riding” through life bravely anyway, is inspiring to me.
I think I kind of know why me failing those exams had to happen. It brought up a lot of fear, which both involves the fear of losing direction in life, and parting with people I grew to like. Yesterday I actually felt pretty fine, which was a bit strange to me. Today however a lot of resistance hit me. I guess it took time for my subconscious to “spit it out” for me to see it. Recently I’ve been inspired to tap, so I’ve been doing that, combined with simply being mindful. I think it helps.
Also, today I realized why people might have trouble with “feeling the feeling” advice. Feeling the feelings means allowing them completely, and diving into them, but without identifying with them. Crying can occur spontaneously, but we’re not identified with it. What I would do before (and what I assume many people do) is allowing the feelings but identifying with them, taking on their energy. I think that when I tried Melody’s Letter to the Universe before, I would take on the energy of the resistance, instead of just writing my fears etc., and being mindful of any feelings that arise.
Hi Z,
I want to just say you’re right on with what you say about feelings. It’s just feeling them without identifying them as “your” feelings. Great job. 🙂
Thank you, Z. You are sweet.
I just saw an interview with Dolly Parton on Oprah Winfrey. It made me feel a lot better. It is an older one from the 80s, but no matter, it is great. She is very inspiring, and despite the obstacles and hardships, she remains a dreamer and keeps going no matter what. Even her business is called “Dreaming” or something like that. She actually uses the word “dream” and that is enough for me!
That funny, Z, yesterday I felt great about living in this neighborhood like it was a really good thing! ? What a great feeling! How wonderful, I thought. It was completely ruined with my husband telling me the woman we don’t like approached him for us to give her stuff she shouldn’t and this set me back big time. ?
What happened? I was fine. Wah.
But at least I’m much calmer about other things and at a better place with them. Thank goodness.
Sometimes I think the gods do this on purpose: just when we think we have it all together, they trigger that next bit of resistance. 😮
? yeah, remember Odysseus?
Haha, of course. Poor Odysseus.
I’m like Odysseus. I’ve had my adventures and now it’s time to have my Ithaca.
That’s great to hear! 🙂 (the first part I mean)
I guess that such joy brought to light something that doesn’t belong there, a negative energy from a neighbor. I wish your good luck and bravery with that challenge!
Speaking of Odysseus, I was supposed to read that in high school, but it was written (even translation) in old language, and that was difficult to read, so I skipped it. xD
Yes, spirituality is about freedom, taking control of your life, not being under anyone’s thumb, and being in incessant communication with the Universe, and see it as a your best friend. I would call the Universe the navigator, while you are in the driver’s seat. Basically, it assists in the journey, but yes, you will be told that you must do what it is you want done.
I know, it is just not the right time to talk about some topics, but it is okay. You did take the initiative and one day it will be the right time for a similar topic, if not that particular topic.
Thanks Kat! I like that, that the Universe is the navigator. 🙂 We are the one leading, but the Universe/gods/whatever guides us. I know it’s different for different people, but my own experience is that the gods want us to do things for ourselves as much as possible. They don’t want us dependent on them, but they’ll step in when necessary.
Brandon,
Perhaps we have touched upon this before, however, I need some reinforcement. How can we get back to the zero state? I mean, other than the petting your cat example Abe give all the time. Focusing on something pleasant and other than the ting that got one upset or discombobulated helps, but I do you have a technique?
Hi Kat,
The zero state is your natural state, when you free yourself of identification with anything that is not really you. That includes, of course, negative feelings and thoughts, ego stories, etc.
So that’s really the gist of it. The best way to get there though is through mindfulness.
Taking full responsibility for one’s life, focusing on the wanted, and not the unwanted. Yeap, I understand it more and more. I’ve realized lately how I can make studying easier and more fun by just applying that. Acknowledging and letting go of the positive emotions when something’s going right. Entering the zero state and allowing the negative emotions when something’s not going right, and then refocusing on what I want. It’s the same with people. Today I realized again how I still keep my parents at “distance”, because of the resistant energy towards them that I’m holding inside of myself. I justify it by them having hurt me a lot. It can apply to any person. My feelings for my parents or any other person are my responsibility. Also my feelings towards college and studying. I can reprogram myself, which is a fun way of seeing magic work.
I really hope all this pays off one day soon. I’ll be looking forward to that post about attraction vs. creation. I think you keep making things clearer and clearer, so thank you Brandon. Also I agree, R’s comments were a delight to read, really helpful and interesting.
P.S. I would appreciate it if Ruma (or however her name is spelled) could increase her microphone volume. I miss at least half the things she say, and have to interpret it from other people’s responses to her.
Hi Z,
Yes, you have it. 🙂 I do think you’re doing better, and you just need to acknowledge your successes and ignore any “failures”, because as they say in NLP, there’s no failure, only feedback.
I agree Ruma is hard to hear. Not sure if she can change it as she’s connecting via phone. I’ll ask though.
Z, take it from me, one day you will look back and see how silly all this is. I am now understanding how silly I was being about my regret. I wasted a lot of time wallowing in that depression. I did not have to go through that. I just needed to be calm and at zero, but it did bring me to LOA and the like, kind of solidifying my existing thirst for spirituality, so I thank it and nothing more.
Thanks, Kat, you’re very kind. 🙂 I know how you used to say that you regret some things, but seeing you “riding” through life bravely anyway, is inspiring to me.
I think I kind of know why me failing those exams had to happen. It brought up a lot of fear, which both involves the fear of losing direction in life, and parting with people I grew to like. Yesterday I actually felt pretty fine, which was a bit strange to me. Today however a lot of resistance hit me. I guess it took time for my subconscious to “spit it out” for me to see it. Recently I’ve been inspired to tap, so I’ve been doing that, combined with simply being mindful. I think it helps.
Also, today I realized why people might have trouble with “feeling the feeling” advice. Feeling the feelings means allowing them completely, and diving into them, but without identifying with them. Crying can occur spontaneously, but we’re not identified with it. What I would do before (and what I assume many people do) is allowing the feelings but identifying with them, taking on their energy. I think that when I tried Melody’s Letter to the Universe before, I would take on the energy of the resistance, instead of just writing my fears etc., and being mindful of any feelings that arise.
Hi Z,
I want to just say you’re right on with what you say about feelings. It’s just feeling them without identifying them as “your” feelings. Great job. 🙂
Thank you, Z. You are sweet.
I just saw an interview with Dolly Parton on Oprah Winfrey. It made me feel a lot better. It is an older one from the 80s, but no matter, it is great. She is very inspiring, and despite the obstacles and hardships, she remains a dreamer and keeps going no matter what. Even her business is called “Dreaming” or something like that. She actually uses the word “dream” and that is enough for me!
That funny, Z, yesterday I felt great about living in this neighborhood like it was a really good thing! ? What a great feeling! How wonderful, I thought. It was completely ruined with my husband telling me the woman we don’t like approached him for us to give her stuff she shouldn’t and this set me back big time. ?
What happened? I was fine. Wah.
But at least I’m much calmer about other things and at a better place with them. Thank goodness.
Sometimes I think the gods do this on purpose: just when we think we have it all together, they trigger that next bit of resistance. 😮
? yeah, remember Odysseus?
Haha, of course. Poor Odysseus.
I’m like Odysseus. I’ve had my adventures and now it’s time to have my Ithaca.
That’s great to hear! 🙂 (the first part I mean)
I guess that such joy brought to light something that doesn’t belong there, a negative energy from a neighbor. I wish your good luck and bravery with that challenge!
Speaking of Odysseus, I was supposed to read that in high school, but it was written (even translation) in old language, and that was difficult to read, so I skipped it. xD
Hey Brandon,
I feel so flattered to be mentioned in your podcast! (And yes, I’m a girl. :o) ) I hope my comments are helpful to the other visitors to your site. Your material is really helping me, especially your teachings about reprogramming the subconscious mind.
I still have resistance coming up in regards to my goals. Certain days I feel more subconscious backlash than others. Still, I feel that my goals are feeling more in reach and more normal (less “out there”, so to speak) as I progress with my daily journaling/visualization sessions. At the beginning of this process, I really felt that my goals were far out of reach. Now, despite having some doubts, I feel that they are more believable and reachable. When I look back at other “big” things I have manifested, similar feelings were also present at first, but they lessened as I became more comfortable with and used to my goals. I feel like the key to your process is persistence (and consistency), as you spoke of in the podcast. At first can be extremely difficult to instill the new programming in your mind, but it has been getting easier, bit by bit, as I stick to the process and keep choosing my goals daily.
Perhaps using crystals or communicating with deities could really help me gain trust in the process. I haven’t been in a serious relationship with any deities or entities since I was around 11 or 12 years old, but I do remember how reassuring it felt to feel supported. In the LOA community, there is a lot of emphasis placed on explaining manifestation in scientific and logical terms. A more mystical and magical approach appeals to me right now, as I feel it will take a lot of the stress off of my shoulders. I have observed many times in my life how faith in something beyond myself, something that is not scientific, can work wonders in manifesting, developing trust and letting go of resistance.
Just an interesting example of the power of faith: a few years ago, I lived for a few months with two Christian girls from Taiwan. They were very religious, prayed and thanked God a lot, and were always telling me stories of how God helped them in so many areas of their lives. They would tell me about how God helped orchestrate their move to Europe, get the perfect school courses, take a biking trip through Asia, get new bikes, a guitar, a new apartment (in one of the best areas of the city!!!), new friends, offered help when they needed it, etc. The stories of how they obtained these things couldn’t be easily explained by conventional thinking (definitely the power of consciousness and trust at work). They had so much faith in God, I felt kind of jealous because they didn’t seem to worry as much as I did and had someone/something to hand over their worries to. I felt like I had to do everything myself, but they could just trust and be led to the right actions or have what they wanted simply show up.
Personally I don’t feel drawn to Christianity or structured/organized religion, but as I mentioned before, developing a relationship with deities or crystals appeals to me. The idea of LOA being magic reminds me of my power and how humans have felt a connection to this power since the beginning of time.
Hi R,
Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you have discovered that persistence is really the biggest key, or at least one of them.
I’ve said before I really respect Aleister Crowley for his scientific approach to magic. But, he also believed in certain deities. So, I feel he had a nice balance, and it’s the same balance I try to have.
I also don’t like how LOA practitioners focus so much on the scientific aspect. There is so much mystery and magic out there, and it really adds a lot to the process. And I’ve found that working with deities can smooth out the process a great deal. And I agree it makes it much easier to trust when you can have faith in something else.
I love the example you gave. I’ve had a lot of the same experiences with my own deities.
Yes, I also feel that having a balance between the scientific (subconscious mind, having a mechanical understanding of manifestation) and mystical approaches (magic, deities, faith in divine help) is a great way to apply the LOA.
There’s a wonderful Gandhi quote that I recently came across:
“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” Mahatma Gandhi.
It made me think of what’s being discussed on your blog. People have known about these principles even if they didn’t know about the LOA as it’s described today.
Wow, that’s a great quote. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
R, I really like your avatar. It’s very soothing and mystical. 🙂
Thank you Z! It’s a close up image of an aqua spirit quartz. 🙂
Thanks for describing it for the visually challenged among us. 🙂 Sounds interesting.
My pleasure Brandon! Even if you cannot see crystals, you can still feel their energy. 🙂
Hey Brandon,
I feel so flattered to be mentioned in your podcast! (And yes, I’m a girl. :o) ) I hope my comments are helpful to the other visitors to your site. Your material is really helping me, especially your teachings about reprogramming the subconscious mind.
I still have resistance coming up in regards to my goals. Certain days I feel more subconscious backlash than others. Still, I feel that my goals are feeling more in reach and more normal (less “out there”, so to speak) as I progress with my daily journaling/visualization sessions. At the beginning of this process, I really felt that my goals were far out of reach. Now, despite having some doubts, I feel that they are more believable and reachable. When I look back at other “big” things I have manifested, similar feelings were also present at first, but they lessened as I became more comfortable with and used to my goals. I feel like the key to your process is persistence (and consistency), as you spoke of in the podcast. At first can be extremely difficult to instill the new programming in your mind, but it has been getting easier, bit by bit, as I stick to the process and keep choosing my goals daily.
Perhaps using crystals or communicating with deities could really help me gain trust in the process. I haven’t been in a serious relationship with any deities or entities since I was around 11 or 12 years old, but I do remember how reassuring it felt to feel supported. In the LOA community, there is a lot of emphasis placed on explaining manifestation in scientific and logical terms. A more mystical and magical approach appeals to me right now, as I feel it will take a lot of the stress off of my shoulders. I have observed many times in my life how faith in something beyond myself, something that is not scientific, can work wonders in manifesting, developing trust and letting go of resistance.
Just an interesting example of the power of faith: a few years ago, I lived for a few months with two Christian girls from Taiwan. They were very religious, prayed and thanked God a lot, and were always telling me stories of how God helped them in so many areas of their lives. They would tell me about how God helped orchestrate their move to Europe, get the perfect school courses, take a biking trip through Asia, get new bikes, a guitar, a new apartment (in one of the best areas of the city!!!), new friends, offered help when they needed it, etc. The stories of how they obtained these things couldn’t be easily explained by conventional thinking (definitely the power of consciousness and trust at work). They had so much faith in God, I felt kind of jealous because they didn’t seem to worry as much as I did and had someone/something to hand over their worries to. I felt like I had to do everything myself, but they could just trust and be led to the right actions or have what they wanted simply show up.
Personally I don’t feel drawn to Christianity or structured/organized religion, but as I mentioned before, developing a relationship with deities or crystals appeals to me. The idea of LOA being magic reminds me of my power and how humans have felt a connection to this power since the beginning of time.
Hi R,
Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you have discovered that persistence is really the biggest key, or at least one of them.
I’ve said before I really respect Aleister Crowley for his scientific approach to magic. But, he also believed in certain deities. So, I feel he had a nice balance, and it’s the same balance I try to have.
I also don’t like how LOA practitioners focus so much on the scientific aspect. There is so much mystery and magic out there, and it really adds a lot to the process. And I’ve found that working with deities can smooth out the process a great deal. And I agree it makes it much easier to trust when you can have faith in something else.
I love the example you gave. I’ve had a lot of the same experiences with my own deities.
Yes, I also feel that having a balance between the scientific (subconscious mind, having a mechanical understanding of manifestation) and mystical approaches (magic, deities, faith in divine help) is a great way to apply the LOA.
There’s a wonderful Gandhi quote that I recently came across:
“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” Mahatma Gandhi.
It made me think of what’s being discussed on your blog. People have known about these principles even if they didn’t know about the LOA as it’s described today.
Wow, that’s a great quote. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
R, I really like your avatar. It’s very soothing and mystical. 🙂
Thank you Z! It’s a close up image of an aqua spirit quartz. 🙂
Thanks for describing it for the visually challenged among us. 🙂 Sounds interesting.
My pleasure Brandon! Even if you cannot see crystals, you can still feel their energy. 🙂
I prefer the blend of just working with the energy with the faith in God and magic. I blend mysticism and the science manifestation. It is more fulfilling and more powerful than just doing it on your own, at least for me that is.
Z, I have noticed that you are rolling along better now. Great job.
Justin
Thanks, Justin. I’m doing what I can, even though I still seem to shift a lot between ultra low and (ultra) high. I guess I’m soaked up with resistance, like a wet sponge is with water. xD
I’m curious to see where it all goes though.
R, It’s good to read what you have to say. You’ve got a strong grasp of how the energy works. I’ve met religious folks like the two women you were talking about. That’s true faith, but I don’t see it often. I’ve learned to be pretty good at it along my journey beginning with reading Wayne Dyer. and There is something to feeling protected, even when the resistance is hitting you full force, your deities can hit a home run for you, even when you seem to come up empty.
Thank you Justin, you really have a great understanding of how energy works too! Last evening I began communicating with deities again, and it felt a lot easier to let go of my stress. I love the feeling of being supported and knowing that I can ask for help if needed. I think the approach I was using before, acknowledging only the scientific explanations of energy and manifesting, was leading me to overthink all of this way, way, way too much. I was still overthinking today, but embracing the mystical nature of reality helped me let go a little more of those mental patterns.
Hey, R, I’m just wondering which deities you are communicating with, if you don’t mind sharing.
Hi Z,
As of right now, I’ve been very general in terms of the deities I’m communicating with. Upon going to bed and waking up, I’ve just spent a few minutes asking the gods for their support and guidance. Nothing really complex or time consuming, just spending a few minutes feeling their presence and energy. 🙂
I see. That sounds really nice. 🙂
Hi R,
That’s so awesome that you’re starting to open up to the gods! Very happy for you. 😀
I prefer the blend of just working with the energy with the faith in God and magic. I blend mysticism and the science manifestation. It is more fulfilling and more powerful than just doing it on your own, at least for me that is.
Hi again Brandon,
Do you think you’ll write more about using crystals in a blogpost sometime? I feel that they can be very powerful tools for manifesting and aligning with your goals.
Hi R,
Justin is actually doing a 90-minute class on crystals in a couple of weeks. If you’re on the mailing list you’ll get more information about that soon. If you’re interested in crystals, I’d highly recommend the class. I’ll be sending out info this weekend.
Ok great! I look forward to hearing more about it.
Outstanding R, glad to hear you are interested in crystals. I started using them years ago, it was what help break me into the metaphysical field if you don’t count the chikong I use in martial arts. I’m looking forward to the class.
Z, I have noticed that you are rolling along better now. Great job.
Justin
Thanks, Justin. I’m doing what I can, even though I still seem to shift a lot between ultra low and (ultra) high. I guess I’m soaked up with resistance, like a wet sponge is with water. xD
I’m curious to see where it all goes though.
R, It’s good to read what you have to say. You’ve got a strong grasp of how the energy works. I’ve met religious folks like the two women you were talking about. That’s true faith, but I don’t see it often. I’ve learned to be pretty good at it along my journey beginning with reading Wayne Dyer. and There is something to feeling protected, even when the resistance is hitting you full force, your deities can hit a home run for you, even when you seem to come up empty.
Thank you Justin, you really have a great understanding of how energy works too! Last evening I began communicating with deities again, and it felt a lot easier to let go of my stress. I love the feeling of being supported and knowing that I can ask for help if needed. I think the approach I was using before, acknowledging only the scientific explanations of energy and manifesting, was leading me to overthink all of this way, way, way too much. I was still overthinking today, but embracing the mystical nature of reality helped me let go a little more of those mental patterns.
Hey, R, I’m just wondering which deities you are communicating with, if you don’t mind sharing.
Hi Z,
As of right now, I’ve been very general in terms of the deities I’m communicating with. Upon going to bed and waking up, I’ve just spent a few minutes asking the gods for their support and guidance. Nothing really complex or time consuming, just spending a few minutes feeling their presence and energy. 🙂
I see. That sounds really nice. 🙂
Hi R,
That’s so awesome that you’re starting to open up to the gods! Very happy for you. 😀
Hi again Brandon,
Do you think you’ll write more about using crystals in a blogpost sometime? I feel that they can be very powerful tools for manifesting and aligning with your goals.
Hi R,
Justin is actually doing a 90-minute class on crystals in a couple of weeks. If you’re on the mailing list you’ll get more information about that soon. If you’re interested in crystals, I’d highly recommend the class. I’ll be sending out info this weekend.
Ok great! I look forward to hearing more about it.
Outstanding R, glad to hear you are interested in crystals. I started using them years ago, it was what help break me into the metaphysical field if you don’t count the chikong I use in martial arts. I’m looking forward to the class.
Today’s day started really well. I ran in the morning, had a delicious breakfast, studied pleasantly, and had a delicious lunch, that tasted especially well. Later when I resumed studying, I started feeling the energy of resistance. Mainly loneliness. I was mindful of it, and it dissipated eventually. However shortly after, I just started feeling very dissatisfied with my life, strong boredom, frustration, and eventually a strong disgust towards life. I thought I would go insane. Dealing with resistance non-stop is NOT how I was supposed to live! I want a nice life dammit… Those were my thoughts. I took a walk, and felt better, I had a great dinner. I don’t know why all the food was delicious today lol… But then I got home, and again boredom and disgust towards life. I want to communicate with people, talk, exchange ideas, interests etc. The first thing I felt like doing is sharing some of the music I like again. However each time I almost did it, I remembered that no-one cares. I feel like I should express myself somehow. I also want to communicate with others instead of being alone 24/7. (we won’t have lectures until March)
However that’s obviously craving for being recognized and accepted, right? And I don’t want more rejection. And before I knew it, that escalated pretty bad as well. My life through this day has seemed like a nightmare, hell. It’s not that I want to associate it with that, but there are no better words to describe it. I can handle LOA and releasing resistance, but not all freaking day long. Where’s the time that I actually live? Where are my friends, my traveling, my hobbies, my happiness? I can’t even handle to meditate all day long, doing it too often is repulsive to me. I just want to live happily *sigh*
So I had to write this out because otherwise I think I would have exploded. This feels like the only place right now where I can write about this. But seriously, based on how often I feel so awful, it’s so hard to believe that there is a good life coming into my existence. The only change I see is my personality and love improving, but my life and resistance keep being a hell at random. Why doesn’t that weaken already and life start being at least stable for once? I’ve been choosing my goals for quite a while now, and now that I look around, there are no changes. All is stale and rotting. I seriously wonder how come I’ve survived and been willing to endure this hell for years. It’s simply not logical that after releasing so much and improving myself so much, that my external reality won’t budge even a bit. Objectively speaking, my life long ago lost the worth of being lived. I’ve been hoping to live anyway, but this what I’m “living” right now is not a life. Endless nightmare is a perfect description.
Z, there were a few semesters in school when I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through my semester. But, I could manifest it, so, we all go through it.
Now, at least for me, was when I really allowed the archangels to carry me through.
I literally had known idea how I was going to make it through the semesters, but, I knew I would.
Justin
Thanks Justin. However it’s not just college for me. It’s everything. I think my psyche and body are completely destroyed and I can’t function normally anymore. Even LOA / magic can’t save me anymore. I used the following analogy before: I’m like a PC that has frozen, and the only solution left is to restart it, that is, to turn it off and back on. In my case it would mean that in this lifetime nothing more can be done. This lifetime needs to be turned off, and then another one would need to start. I’m just so tired of everything. One day things are okay, and the next it’s hell. That’s not a way to live. Life is not worth living in this way. I don’t know, I probably should take a break from this site too, until and unless I stabilize somehow. I don’t think these low comments of mine are benefiting anyone. Hopefully I can find some peace and stability soon.
Hi Z,
I get you are in a bad place, but you really have to let go of these fatalistic, dramatized ego stories. They aren’t helpful to you. Don’t say your body is “completely destroyed”, for example. That ego story isn’t helpful, nor is it true. You are not broken. Death is not the only escape.
You’re focused on the negative, on these negative stories, and so that’s what you’re getting. You need to remove your focus from those stories and create something new. I know it’s frustrating, but that’s your only choice, really.
Z, once I was suicidal too and came very close, more times than I can count, to actually going through with it. Although I don’t know exactly how you feel, i can tell you that excruciating emotional pain was normal for me and felt like something I had no control over. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn’t take the pain anymore and refused to let myself go down that negative spiral. I’m not sure what changed, or even exactly when, but on some level there was a decision that I was not letting this life go to waste. There is too much that I want to experience and those desires just keep driving me forward, even when I have bad days like today. I’m not sure if this comforts you at all, but just know that things can get better. Sometimes it seems like we really have to hit rock bottom before they do, but you just have to take each day a step at a time and focus on where you’re going. I would also say that it’s near certain that you are holding onto beliefs, perhaps deeply ingrained societal beliefs, that are causing you much suffering. If i were you, I would take a look at those (sometimes they can be difficult to discern as they can feel so normal.)
Also do you have online friends who you could share music with or simply talk to? Even internet friends can be of great comfort and company.
Thanks for your comment, R. I very well know what you’re talking about, I’ve gone through it all, too. I know the feeling of hitting the rock bottom, and then suddenly getting a strong urge to stand up and not let my life go to waste. One such time was when I decided that I would study at college again, for the third time.
I know that probably there are some beliefs in play here, but I’ve got some other idea, and I’m gonna see where I get with it.
Today’s day started really well. I ran in the morning, had a delicious breakfast, studied pleasantly, and had a delicious lunch, that tasted especially well. Later when I resumed studying, I started feeling the energy of resistance. Mainly loneliness. I was mindful of it, and it dissipated eventually. However shortly after, I just started feeling very dissatisfied with my life, strong boredom, frustration, and eventually a strong disgust towards life. I thought I would go insane. Dealing with resistance non-stop is NOT how I was supposed to live! I want a nice life dammit… Those were my thoughts. I took a walk, and felt better, I had a great dinner. I don’t know why all the food was delicious today lol… But then I got home, and again boredom and disgust towards life. I want to communicate with people, talk, exchange ideas, interests etc. The first thing I felt like doing is sharing some of the music I like again. However each time I almost did it, I remembered that no-one cares. I feel like I should express myself somehow. I also want to communicate with others instead of being alone 24/7. (we won’t have lectures until March)
However that’s obviously craving for being recognized and accepted, right? And I don’t want more rejection. And before I knew it, that escalated pretty bad as well. My life through this day has seemed like a nightmare, hell. It’s not that I want to associate it with that, but there are no better words to describe it. I can handle LOA and releasing resistance, but not all freaking day long. Where’s the time that I actually live? Where are my friends, my traveling, my hobbies, my happiness? I can’t even handle to meditate all day long, doing it too often is repulsive to me. I just want to live happily *sigh*
So I had to write this out because otherwise I think I would have exploded. This feels like the only place right now where I can write about this. But seriously, based on how often I feel so awful, it’s so hard to believe that there is a good life coming into my existence. The only change I see is my personality and love improving, but my life and resistance keep being a hell at random. Why doesn’t that weaken already and life start being at least stable for once? I’ve been choosing my goals for quite a while now, and now that I look around, there are no changes. All is stale and rotting. I seriously wonder how come I’ve survived and been willing to endure this hell for years. It’s simply not logical that after releasing so much and improving myself so much, that my external reality won’t budge even a bit. Objectively speaking, my life long ago lost the worth of being lived. I’ve been hoping to live anyway, but this what I’m “living” right now is not a life. Endless nightmare is a perfect description.
Z, there were a few semesters in school when I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through my semester. But, I could manifest it, so, we all go through it.
Now, at least for me, was when I really allowed the archangels to carry me through.
I literally had known idea how I was going to make it through the semesters, but, I knew I would.
Justin
Thanks Justin. However it’s not just college for me. It’s everything. I think my psyche and body are completely destroyed and I can’t function normally anymore. Even LOA / magic can’t save me anymore. I used the following analogy before: I’m like a PC that has frozen, and the only solution left is to restart it, that is, to turn it off and back on. In my case it would mean that in this lifetime nothing more can be done. This lifetime needs to be turned off, and then another one would need to start. I’m just so tired of everything. One day things are okay, and the next it’s hell. That’s not a way to live. Life is not worth living in this way. I don’t know, I probably should take a break from this site too, until and unless I stabilize somehow. I don’t think these low comments of mine are benefiting anyone. Hopefully I can find some peace and stability soon.
Hi Z,
I get you are in a bad place, but you really have to let go of these fatalistic, dramatized ego stories. They aren’t helpful to you. Don’t say your body is “completely destroyed”, for example. That ego story isn’t helpful, nor is it true. You are not broken. Death is not the only escape.
You’re focused on the negative, on these negative stories, and so that’s what you’re getting. You need to remove your focus from those stories and create something new. I know it’s frustrating, but that’s your only choice, really.
Z, once I was suicidal too and came very close, more times than I can count, to actually going through with it. Although I don’t know exactly how you feel, i can tell you that excruciating emotional pain was normal for me and felt like something I had no control over. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn’t take the pain anymore and refused to let myself go down that negative spiral. I’m not sure what changed, or even exactly when, but on some level there was a decision that I was not letting this life go to waste. There is too much that I want to experience and those desires just keep driving me forward, even when I have bad days like today. I’m not sure if this comforts you at all, but just know that things can get better. Sometimes it seems like we really have to hit rock bottom before they do, but you just have to take each day a step at a time and focus on where you’re going. I would also say that it’s near certain that you are holding onto beliefs, perhaps deeply ingrained societal beliefs, that are causing you much suffering. If i were you, I would take a look at those (sometimes they can be difficult to discern as they can feel so normal.)
Also do you have online friends who you could share music with or simply talk to? Even internet friends can be of great comfort and company.
Thanks for your comment, R. I very well know what you’re talking about, I’ve gone through it all, too. I know the feeling of hitting the rock bottom, and then suddenly getting a strong urge to stand up and not let my life go to waste. One such time was when I decided that I would study at college again, for the third time.
I know that probably there are some beliefs in play here, but I’ve got some other idea, and I’m gonna see where I get with it.